People Change
by Lingua Dii
Summary: How well do you really know someone? Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

People change... Or do they? Some maintain that change requires an event of cataclysmic proportions, such as the death of a loved one or severe physical trauma. Others believe change is gradual and inevitable, brought forth by interacting with other people and the rest of the environment. Kyle belonged to the former group. Even when Kenny showed what everyone else thought were his "true colors", Kyle never gave up on him or changed his mind.  
Cartman had long since moved away, after a particularly bad fight with Kenny, ending with the fat boy's complete and total humiliation in front of every student at the school. Even he couldn't recover from it, so he ran. Kyle was impressed by Kenny standing up to Cartman, but it was shortly afterward that Kenny changed. He had always been one of the quietest boys in South Park, always content with his situation, no matter what it was, so it surprised everyone when Craig, Clyde, and Token, who, at the time, were very popular amongst the school children, called him into their circle. Kenny didn't think twice and joined them, completely ignoring Kyle and Stan, who had been his friends for as long as anyone could remember. It wasn't long before Kyle and Stan tried to fill the void left by Kenny. They turned to Butters, who had already replaced Kenny before. At first, Butters was insulted the boys only treated him as a best friend when they needed him, but he was quick to dismiss that emotion and accepted his old role, half-hoping that it would be a more permanent one, while also expecting Kenny to come to his senses and stop the charade. His hopes for the latter were misguided. Kenny had never had much in his life, so, when he found himself in a position to have what he wanted, he just couldn't say no, even if it meant leaving his friends. Kyle was heartbroken.  
A couple of years ago, Kyle had fallen in love with Kenny. To see him readily turn his back on those he had once called his best friends, all because of fame, was depressing, to say the least. Though it didn't make his feelings go away. Even when Kenny started mocking him for just about everything, it didn't affect him. Kyle knew – or, rather, he hoped – that Kenny was still the Kenny he knew and loved. The kind-hearted blond who, quite literally, wouldn't harm a fly. Someone who was devoid of evil. Sure, as kids, he and his friends, Kyle included, had done some stuff they all considered bad, but, when they grew up, that all changed. They became more empathetic and caring, to a point. The only one who didn't change was Cartman. He kept being manipulative, cold-hearted, insulting, and just all-around a bad person. Kyle was relieved and glad when Kenny stood up to him and forced him to leave.  
Stan eventually became, at best, a distant friend to Kyle and Butters, forcing the red-head to become more involved with Butters. Stan simply drifted off and nearly became a hermit at school, staying away from the other boys. He had thought about rejoining the Goth Kids, as everyone expected him to, yet they wouldn't take him back. Eventually, he resorted to only interacting with the other kids only when he saw fit or when it was absolutely necessary. Kyle's entire world was falling apart, yet he took comfort in his deep-seated belief that he and Kenny would, one day, be together. Butters kept trying to convince him that the Kenny he had fallen in love with was not the person Kenny truly was, and even told him the various things Kenny had done that clearly demonstrated it, yet Kyle didn't believe him.  
The boys were at Butters' house, having met there to play a few games, but their conversation quickly delved into the realm of Kenny, as it usually did. This time, however, Butters finally snapped for the first time in years.

"Dammit, Kyle! Are you really **this** stupid? Kenny doesn't like you. I'm not sure if he even can. Even **you** don't like him. He's not the guy you think he is. And if he ever was, he's not anymore. Get it through your thick skull: **Kenny does not like you**. Is this so hard to understand? I swear, sometimes I feel like I don't know **you**. You've always seemed like the smartest guy I've ever met, but... now... I don't know."  
"...I'm not an idiot, Butters. I guess... I guess I just know Kenny better than you do. He's a good person."  
"D... Did you not hear what I just- You know what, forget it. I'm being an idiot, like you. I can't expect a blind person to suddenly start seeing, so why should I expect **you** to develop **a brain**?"  
"...I'm leaving."  
"Kyle-"  
"If you're going to be like that, I might as well not be here. I don't have to listen to this shit, especially from you."

Kyle left Butters' house as quickly as he could, ignoring Butters' stuttered apologies as he walked away from him and out the door.

"_Fucking Butters..._" Kyle thought. "_I've known Kenny for longer than he has. I **know** what he's like. He's not like this... He's just... confused._"

Inside, Butters was just as upset at Kyle. He sighed, trying to forget his conversation, until he decided to study so as to distract himself.

* * *

Kyle entered his room, with Butters' words still echoing through his mind. To shut out his voice, Kyle stared at a picture he had taken with Kenny, Stan, and Cartman several years ago, when they were still children. Kenny was still very shy back then, only looking at the camera because Kyle and Stan had practically forced him to. Even then, his hood hid most of his facial features. Aside from his short nose, rosy cheeks, and bright blue eyes, Kyle couldn't make anything else out. After comparing it to a more recent picture, Kyle saw a few differences – Kenny's cheeks were the same color as the rest of his skin – darker than Kyle's own, but still light – and his nose was slightly larger – but, overall, Kenny remained unchanged; untouched by time. His skin looked as smooth as ever, his eyes, if anything, resembled the sky even more, and his weight was perfect for his height – not too fat, nor too thin; just slender. Kyle was almost jealous of him for being so pretty.  
Kyle's eyes started to tear up when he recalled that the picture he was looking at was the last they had taken together – before Kenny left them altogether. His finger hovered above the "Delete" key, wondering if he should just erase all physical traces of their friendship and be done with it. Tears started rolling down his cheeks as he gently pressed the button halfway.

"_...No. I can't do this._" Kyle thought as he dried his tears and moved away from the keyboard. "_If I do this... It means I'm giving up on him. I can't do that. I **won't** do that. **Fuck** Butters. He doesn't know shit._"

* * *

Several hours later, Butters lain in his bed, unable to fall asleep. He had calmed down somewhat, leading to regret over the way he had treated Kyle. He knew he was right – Kyle was acting like an idiot – but he had been exceedingly rude toward his friend. What Kyle needed was someone who would listen to him; not someone who would berate him. Eventually, Butters thought, Kyle would see the truth.

"_I guess I'll just have to be there for him, doing what I've been doing – try to convince him he's wrong, but without being such a dick about it... Now if I could only get to sleep..._"

* * *

The following morning, Kyle and Butters crosses paths at the school gate. Kyle glanced at his friend, acknowledging his presence with a weak nod, before heading inside. Butters quietly followed him, wondering how to apologize. Meanwhile, Kyle was glancing at Kenny every couple of seconds, trying to figure something out.

"_Why doesn't Kenny take off his parka? It's a billion degrees out here! I know he likes it; it's his 'thing' or whatever, but this is just stupid. He must be boiling inside that parka._"

Before he could even think of what to say, Kyle spoke up.

"What's wrong? You seem quieter than usual."  
"Huh? I-I was just..."

Butters began to stutter uncontrollable, prompting Kyle to sigh and ignore him altogether. His eyes met Kenny's for a fraction of a second, but he quickly averted his gaze.

"Just give up on him, Kyle." Butters said hesitantly. "Kenny's a jerk, and you know it."  
"That's not the Kenny I know. He's a good guy. And I mean a **good** guy."  
"That's who he was... not who he is."  
"...I don't believe that."  
"Whether you believe or not is besides the point. The truth is that Kenny changed. Maybe it was the fame. I don't know. All I know is that he's not who you – **we** – thought he was... Do you think this is easy for me to say? I liked Kenny almost as much as you. He was my friend, same as yours."

Kyle turned his gaze toward Kenny. He saw him laugh with his new friends, slowly wondering if maybe Butters was right. Maybe the Kenny they knew was gone. Or maybe he had always been this way and just didn't show it because he didn't have the social status for it to be tolerated by others.

"_Is this really who you are, Kenny? Who you want to be? Is this... who I fell in love with?_"

Kenny and Kyle's eyes met for a second time, after which Kenny turned to his friends and openly, and loudly, mocked Kyle for his sexuality. Everyone within several feet of him burst out laughing, making Kyle blush from embarrassment, even though he hadn't heard what Kenny had said; only that he was talking about him. Kyle was about to walk over to Kenny and say something about it, until Butters placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Let it go, Kyle... He's not worth it."  
"That is bullshit, Butters. I'm not gonna let this stand."

Kyle started making his way toward Kenny angrily, but Butters didn't give up. He grabbed Kyle's wrist and wouldn't let go.

"Kyle, I'm trying to protect you."  
"Well, I don't need **you** to protect **me**." Kyle said as he tried to set himself free. "You can barely protect yourself."

Kyle finally broke free from Butters' grip and continued to walk toward Kenny. Kenny was growing a little scared, yet he didn't let it show, for fear that it would damage his reputation.

"Hey, Kenny, looks like the fag is gonna try to hit you or something." Clyde said.  
"Um... Yeah..."  
"Don't tell me you're scared, dude." Token added.  
"What? Me? No! Not at all!"  
"Well, you'd better figure out what you're gonna say to him, because he's gonna be here in two... one..."

Kyle stood in front of Kenny for several seconds without saying anything. There was no need. His angry expression told Kenny everything he needed to know. Kenny's friends backed away, forming a circle around him and Kyle in order to watch whatever was to come. Kenny desperately wanted to run away, but he knew that, if he did, all his fame and presumed glory would evaporate as quickly as they had appeared. He didn't want to hurt Kyle, yet he would, to preserve his status. Kyle clenched his fist as hard as he could, nearly drawing blood by the look of it, but, finally, he simply looked Kenny straight in the eyes and spoke.

"...You've become worse than Cartman." Kyle whispered angrily.

Kenny pretended not to be affected by Kyle's statement, much to the redhead's amazement. Kyle walked away, back to Butters. Kenny's friends approached him once again and wasted no time in asking what Kyle had said.

"He, uh... I-It was nothing. You know how kids are."  
"Come on, tell us!"  
"It really was nothing, I swear!"

Butters had the same question on his mind as Kenny's friends. Kyle was going to beat the crap out of Kenny; Kenny, Kyle, and Butters all knew it. Yet Kyle decided not to. He wanted to ask what Kyle had said and satisfy his curiosity, but he respected Kyle's privacy and decided not to ask, though Kyle summarized it for him.

"...You were right." Kyle said grimly. "Kenny's gone."

Kyle's statement didn't really bother Butters. However, his earlier statement did. Kyle was right that Butters couldn't even protect himself. Butters lowered his head, lost in sadness, until Kyle recalled what he had said and apologized.

"Butters... I didn't mean what I said earlier. I know you're just trying to help, but... Kenny really pissed me off. I'm sorry."

Butters raised his head slightly, with a weak smile on his lips.

"I'd hug you, but I don't want people to think that we're dating... At least no more than they already do."  
"Thanks, Kyle." Butters chuckled.

A loud bell just above the boys' heads indicated the start of a new school day. As soon as it was over, they laughed.

"We really should have been somewhere else."  
"Yeah... Let's go. My ears are ringing."

While the duo moved inside the school, Butters decided to show his amazement at Kyle's self-control.

"You know, I'm really surprised you didn't just kick his ass right there and then out of spite."  
"Whaddya mean?"  
"Well, it's just... I kinda admire you for doing that. Taking the high-road or whatever. Especially since you got pissed at me just for saying something once, and he's been at it for... a while."  
"Y-You... You're right. I've been taking this shit from him for years."  
"That's not what I meant to-"  
"I shouldn't have held back. I should have..."  
"What?"  
"...Nothing. Let's just go."  
"What are you planning to do?"  
"I'm just gonna talk to him."

"_Why don't I believe you?_" Butters sighed.


	2. Chapter 2

Kyle rushed to Kenny's house, fueled by rage brought on by Butters words. He didn't find Kenny on his way there, as Kenny had left sooner and also ran home, although Kyle didn't know it. As soon as he got there, Kyle knocked on the door several times in three seconds, before ringing the doorbell. Much to his surprise, Karen was the one who opened the door. In his anger, he had completely forgotten Kenny's siblings even existed.

"Hey, Kyle."  
"Hi."  
"Um... Kenny's upstairs, but-"  
"Can I talk to him?"  
"That's the thing... He's kinda... busy."  
"I **really** need to talk to him."

"_And punch him in the face._" Kyle thought.

"Alright... Just don't do anything stupid. He's really... Well, you'll see."

Karen moved to the side, letting Kyle in her home. He went upstairs as quickly as possible, finding Kenny's door closed. Instead of knocking, Kyle simply opened it as hard as he could, half-hoping to hit Kenny with the door. He found Kenny on his bed, curled up into a ball, sobbing, and without any clothes on his upper body. Kyle was confused by the sight, but he didn't have time to analyze it. As soon as Kenny had heard the doorknob being touched, he had grabbed his trademark orange parka and covered his upper half with it.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Kyle?"  
"I..."  
"Did Karen let you in?"  
"Y-"  
"Just get out! Go away! Now!"

Kenny instinctively pointed at the door, not realizing he had exposed his arm to Kyle's very observant eyes. Regardless, unless it had been a blind person, anyone would have seen what Kyle saw.

"A-Are those... Are those **cuts**... o-on your **arm**?"

Kenny quickly retracted his limb, trying desperately to come up with a decent excuse.

"I-I cut myself w-"  
"No shit! What the hell is wrong with you?"  
"I **said**: I cut myself with a-a... Dammit, what's it called... One of those things to cut boiled eggs into slices."  
"...Those things are nowhere sharp or big enough to make half a dozen cuts that big. They're basically thin wires."

Kenny counted his cuts while keeping his arms hidden under his parka. Kyle was right: there were six cuts on his right arm, but his left arm had even more, which Kyle hadn't seen.

"_I completely lost track of how many times I..._"

"How long have you been doing that to yourself?"  
"I told you, it was an accident. Leave me alone."  
"No, you **lied** to me."  
"Just go away!"

Kyle was still angry at Kenny, so, ignoring his concern for him, he turned around. However, his legs wouldn't let him walk trough the door. His empathy for Kenny's situation was stronger than his anger. Out of frustration, Kyle turned around again. Kenny didn't understand why he had done it, so he simply yelled at him again.

"Why won't you go?!"  
"Because you need help."  
"...I don't need you."  
"I don't see anyone else stepping up."

Kenny murmured incomprehensibly in response, clearly upset by Kyle's statement. Rather than retract his statement or try to rectify it, Kyle pushed the issue further.

"Did you even tell your family about it? Your sister?"  
"No..."  
"Then I guess I'm your only chance."

Kenny didn't want to accept Kyle's help. He didn't think he deserved it. Seeing as how Kenny wouldn't say anything, Kyle decided to pressure him even more.

"Fine. Be that way. I'll just go then."

Before Kyle had even completely turned around, Kenny snapped.

"No! Wait!"  
"...Are you gonna let me help?" Kyle asked as he approached Kenny's bed.  
"I..."

While Kenny gave it some thought, Kyle put his hand on Kenny's parka and pulled on it gently. However, Kenny wouldn't let him remove it.

"Kenny, if you want me to help, you're going to have to trust me."  
"...Close the door. I don't want Karen to come in and see this."  
"OK..."

Kyle rushed to the door, closing it, and returned to Kenny's bedside in less than two seconds. He gently tugged on the parka covering Kenny's chest and arms, yet, in spite of his apparent acceptance, Kenny still hung on to it. However, his grip became weaker and weaker the more Kyle pulled, until, finally, Kyle removed it completely. He tried desperately not to react visibly, but his eyes still twitched uncontrollably. Kenny didn't notice anything, though, since he had his eyes closed and his head turned away, not wanting to face Kyle.  
Kyle counted the cuts on Kenny's left arm. There were well over fourteen deep cuts, some of which looked like they had been cut repeatedly on the same spot, making a precise count of how many times Kenny had cut himself nigh-impossible. There were even deep marks – not cuts _per se_; just signs that a sharp object had been pressed against those areas – on his chest. After several seconds, Kenny covered his arms again. Kyle was nearly driven to tears, as was Kenny.

"Kenny, I... How could you do that to yourself?"

Kenny didn't answer him. He couldn't even bear to think about Kyle's question. Kyle sighed wearily, thinking he had gotten all the information he was going to get, until another question popped into his head.

"I-Is there... more?"  
"No... These are all the... marks I have."  
"...And what else?"  
"I..."

Kenny once again broke into tears and sobbing. Kyle stared at him, still too angry to make physical contact, until Kenny stopped sobbing. Tears still rolled down his cheeks, but he didn't make any noise until he continued his explanation.

"I've been having insomnia for about a year now. When I **can** sleep, it's only because I take a handful of different sleeping pills, and I have nightmares all night long. All... gorey and painful. Burning alive, being cut into tiny pieces – that sort of thing."

Kyle raised an eyebrow at Kenny's explanation. He didn't buy what the blond was telling him. The confessions were coming out too quickly, and if his time frame was to be trusted, there was no way Kenny would have been comfortable opening up for the first time to anyone, especially Kyle, who had been (very publicly) angry at him just earlier today.

"I've been taking anti-depressants, but they don't do shit."  
"What kind?"  
"What?"  
"What kind of anti-depressants?"  
"I don't know..." Kenny replied uncaringly. "Some over-the-counter crap. Why do you ask?"  
"...I just wanted to confirm you were full of shit."  
"I... What?!"  
"You heard me."  
"How can you say that? You think I'm making this up?"  
"...Maybe."

Kenny was speechless. He had just opened up to someone – Kyle, of all people – for the first time in years about his problems, and he didn't even believe him. He opened and closed his mouth constantly, trying to find the words to express his feelings, until, finally, he found them.

"Get out." Kenny said sternly.  
"What?"  
"Get the fuck out of my room and out of my house."  
"Ken-"  
"Get out!"

Kenny's scream was heard all throughout the house, yet Karen stayed still. She thought that it was up to her brother and Kyle to settle their differences.  
Kyle thought about leaving, but there was something on his mind that he needed to say before he did, just in case Kenny would believe him.

"...I'm sorry, Kenny."  
"Too late for that. Get out."  
"Just... Let me ask you something."  
"What?"  
"...Is this for real?"

Kenny's eyes once again flared up with anger, so Kyle explained his statement.

"I-I mean, I... I **want** to trust you, Kenny. I **want** to believe you... But you gotta give me something."  
"My word isn't enough? You need to see me stay awake all night? Maybe cry and nearly piss myself out of fear and pain while I'm having nightmares where I'm being tortured? You want to watch me take antidepressants and sleeping pills together just so I can get some sleep? Fuck off."  
"...Your word has never exactly been the most reliable source of information. A long time ago you said – no, you **swore** – that Stan and I were, and would always be, your best friends. Then you... left."  
"...Things change. You're an **idiot** if you expect them to stay the same. We're not kids anymore, Kyle. What I said then... It... doesn't mean anything."

Although Kenny had calmed down somewhat, all his statements did was make Kyle angrier. He took deep breaths in a futile attempt to calm himself down. Upon realizing it wasn't working, he spoke his mind.

"Fine. Be that way. Be someone whose word can **never** be counted on, because they're a two-faced **douchebag** – and douchebag is really the nicest thing I can come up with right now – who doesn't give a crap about others. So **you** fuck off, Kenny." Kyle spat angrily. "Butters was right." he added. "You're not worth my time."

Kyle started making his way out of Kenny's room, but he still had more to say.

"You know, I..."

As soon as Kyle turned around, he saw Kenny crying for the third time. He had never seen Kenny cry so much, so quickly, and so often. In fact, aside from Butters several years ago, nobody really cried that much. Kyle sighed wearily and approached Kenny again. This time, he sat down next to him, waiting for him to stop weeping. When he didn't, even after almost half a minute, Kyle sighed again.

"If I help you... Do you promise not to tell anyone?"  
"Yes." Kenny replied without hesitation, almost smiling.  
"Then I'll do it."  
"...Thank you, Kyle."

The silence throughout the house seemed strange to Karen, who couldn't help but peek through the keyhole. She saw the boys looking at each other for a split second, before Kenny spoke up.

"Um... A-Are you still gonna leave?"  
"Do you want me to?"  
"No..."  
"Then I'll stay... as long as you need me to. I said I'd help you, and I keep my word."

Karen heard the whole conversation and smiled. Kenny realized the light coming from underneath his door had a pair of distinct slim shadows, so he glared at the keyhole, startling Karen. Karen stopped spying on her brother, but Kenny's angry stare didn't go unnoticed by Kyle. The soft sound of footsteps coming from just outside the door was the final piece of the puzzle.

"Was your sister... spying on us?"  
"Yeah... Just ignore her."  
"So... What else can I do besides just... sitting here?"  
"Um... I don't think you'll want to help with that..."  
"You can tell me."  
"It's... kind of embarrassing, but... I really suck at... homework."  
"What kind?"  
"...All of it." Kenny shyly confessed.  
"Oh."  
"Told you. It's OK if you don't wanna help me."  
"I'll help. Come on; grab your notebook and bring it over to your desk."  
"R-Right now?"  
"Sure."  
"A-Alright..."

Kyle stood next to Kenny's desk chair, but Kenny wouldn't have it.

"Sit down, Kyle. I'll stand."  
"OK."

Kyle sat down, staring at the mess on Kenny's desk while listening to Kenny fiddling with his backpack in a hard search for his notebook. Parts of it were covered in a thin layer of dust, reflecting his underuse of them. Others were shiny; Kyle was fairly certain they had actually been polished.

"Found it!" Kenny announced with glee.

Kenny quickly and casually tossed his open notebook on his desk, standing directly behind Kyle to listen to and watch him carefully. However, Kyle became nervous once he realized Kenny was still shirtless. Moreover, he was leaning against the short-backed chair, allowing Kenny's chest to rub up against Kyle's shoulders and the back of his head.

"Um... Kenny?"  
"Is it my handwriting? I've always had a crappy handwriting. Sorry. See, these are my notes from-"  
"That's not it. Can you... please put on a shirt or something?"  
"Why?"  
"B-Because... Um... Your arms kinda creep me out."  
"Oh..."  
"A-And... if Karen walks in here, she could see them."  
"Alright. Gimme a sec."

Kyle was lying, of course. Truth was, he wouldn't be able to focus if Kenny – or anyone he found attractive, really – was shirtless around him and literally rubbing themselves up against him, even if only slightly and unintentionally.  
Kenny put on the first shirt he could find that covered the cuts on his arms and went straight back to Kyle. He was still leaning against the desk chair while unwittingly rubbing his chest against Kyle's shoulders and the back of his head, but at least it wasn't his bare skin doing so.

"So... Um..."  
"What?"  
"Uh... What does this say?" Kyle asked awkwardly.

Kenny chuckled loudly.

"Told you you'd need my help."  
"I guess you were right."  
"These are my chemistry notes. That's some... weird technical name I can't pronounce."  
"Can you spell it?"  
"Sure. Lemme see... OK. The first letter is..."

* * *

Several hours later, just before Kenny's parents returned, Kyle decided to leave. His awkwardness over having Kenny's body pressed against his own was making it impossible to help him, as well as making him angry. Although he had agreed to help Kenny, he was still very upset. Having involuntary physical contact with him only made it worse. Kenny was somewhat saddened, until Kyle promised he'd be back the next day. With that, Kenny smiled and thanked him. It was a smile unlike what Kyle had seen in a long time. Usually, when Kenny smiled, his mouth was spread wide, and he was lightly furrowing his eyebrows. Now, however, his smile was much less wide – more realistic – and his eyebrows were contouring his eyes. Kyle nodded, before leaving. He passed by Karen on his way out, recalling that she had been spying on him and Kenny, yet he didn't say anything. Not that he needed to, though. As soon as their eyes met, she lowered her head in shame.

* * *

On his way home, Kyle's phone vibrated a couple of times in his pocket, as a result of a text. He didn't feel it, though, as his mind was elsewhere. After nearly ten minutes, the person trying to contact him finally resorted to call him. Kyle's phone rang loudly, announcing the call. Kyle immediately reached for his phone, trying to fit his small hands into his severely undersized pocket, nearly dropping the phone in the process. When he finally had his phone secure in his hand, he glanced at the caller ID and answered it.

"Hey, Butters."  
"Kyle! Finally! Jeez... Where were you? You always answer my texts within a couple of minutes. I was getting worried."  
"I was... helping someone... And... thanks for worrying." Kyle replied. "I guess..." he whispered to himself.  
"Who were you helping?"  
"Uh... None of your business?"  
"No need to be so rude, but OK."  
"...Sorry. What did you want to talk about?"  
"That report we have to write and deliver by email until Thursday?"  
"Shit! I completely forgot."  
"I know. That's why I'm calling. We gotta start working on it tomorrow."  
"T-Tomorrow?"  
"Yes... Why?"  
"I, um... I have something to do tomorrow."  
"Cancel it."  
"I can't do that."  
"Postpone it."  
"Can't do that either."  
"...What could possibly be more important than your academic future?"  
"Dude, we can start working on it in a couple of days and still finish everything. Relax."  
"Kyle..."  
"Trust me. Would I ever screw this up for you?"  
"No..."  
"Then relax. I got this."  
"Alright."  
"OK... Look, I just got home. We'll chat more online, alright?"  
"Sure."  
"See ya. Give me a few minutes to unpack."  
"Gotcha. I'll be waiting."

* * *

As soon as Kyle entered his room, he threw his backpack on his bed and sat down at his computer. He leaned against his chair, sighing while closing his eyes.

"_I'm so fucking tired... Kenny's like a two year-old. It's exhausting, having to explain everything to him... And I have to go back tomorrow... I should've just left when he told me to the first time and be done with it._"

Kyle, still with his eyes closed, opened his laptop and turned it on, sighing.

"_Let's get this over with... Even talking to Butters is gonna be exhausting right now._"

Kyle struggled to stay awake, yawning loudly as he fumbled with his wireless mouse. Once he got the chat opened, he immediately went for Butters' screen name – leStotch – and clicked on it to start a private chat.

* * *

**AN: This is an experiment of sorts. It's the first time I'm trying out online chatting, using things like shortened words, near-total absence of grammar, and so on, that (most) people Kyle's age use. I've also written two versions: one that resembles regular dialog, while the other is meant to resemble an actual chat room. Please let me know which one you think is best, as it will be featured in a later story (specifically one of the secret projects I mention in my profile).**

* * *

**Version 1:**

"hi ky, sup?"  
"Hey, Butters. So, what did you wanna talk about?"  
"what i said that made you pissed. you were pretty angry. did you do anything stupid when you went to talk to him?"

Kyle wondered if he should tell Butters the truth or lie to him. Having only a few seconds before Butters became suspicious over the delay, Kyle decided to lie.

"I never went to talk to him."  
"why?"  
"I changed my mind."  
"ok, glad to see you didnt kick his ass"

"_I'm not so glad about that._" Kyle thought.

Kyle heard his mom calling him for dinner, so he finished the conversation with Butters.

"I gotta go, Butters. My mom's calling me downstairs."  
"alright. ttyl"  
"See ya."

**End of version 1.**

* * *

**Version 2:**

leStotch:  
hey ky, sup?

Kyman:  
Hey, Butters. So, what did you wanna talk about?"

leStotch:  
what i said that made you pissed. you were pretty angry. did you do anything stupid when you went to talk to him?

Kyle wondered if he should tell Butters the truth or lie to him. Having only a few seconds before Butters became suspicious over the delay, Kyle decided to lie.

Kyman:  
I never went to talk to him.

leStotch:  
why?

Kyman:  
I changed my mind.

leStotch:  
ok, glad to see you didnt kick his ass

"_I'm not so glad about that._" Kyle thought.

Kyle heard his mom calling him for dinner, so he finished the conversation with Butters.

Kyman:  
I gotta go, Butters. My mom's calling me downstairs.

leStotch:  
alright. ttyl

Kyman:  
See ya.

**End of version 2.**

* * *

Kyle closed his browser, followed by his laptop, and left for dinner.

* * *

About half an hour after dinner, Kyle showered and got in his bed, utterly exhausted. Although his body was pain-free, he couldn't even see straight anymore. He blinked lazily, slowly decreasing his eye-opening, until he was unable to open his eyes, passing out entirely.

* * *

The following morning, Kyle woke up with Ike shaking him.

"Kyle! Wake up!"  
"Hm..." Kyle groaned. "...Five more minutes."  
"Dude, it's... 7:30."

Kyle got up, highly skeptic of his brother's statement, but still somewhat scared, as he had classes at 8 AM.

"That's not possible. I set the alarm on my cellphone to-"  
"And did you remember to check your battery?"

Kyle's eyes widened, and he jumped out of his bed, heading for the bathroom to shower. Ike followed him, knowing he'd forget to close the door. Much to his surprise, though, Kyle hadn't. However, Kyle wasn't done. As he undressed, he yelled – not in anger, but to make sure he would be heard – at his younger brother.

"Why didn't you wake me up sooner?!"  
"Mom told me not to!"

"_That stupid bitch... What the fuck is wrong with her?! If I miss school, I don't learn. If I don't learn, I get bad grades. If I get bad grades, she bitches and moans about how I'm a 'bad son' or whatever. God dammit..._"

Kyle didn't even set the temperature for his shower; instead, he just got in with ice-cold water, yelping in discomfort loudly enough to be heard from outside.

"You OK?!" Ike asked panickingly.  
"Yeah! The water's just cold!"

Ike briefly wondered why Kyle hadn't set the correct temperature, but quickly concluded that it had been intentional, due to lack of spare time. He wanted to be woken up as violently as possible, since it was the only way he could stay awake long enough to make it through the day.

* * *

Kyle got dressed and picked up his things, before passing by the kitchen. There were some sandwiches on them that Ike had made.

"I wanted to wake you up, Kyle, but mom told me to let you rest."  
"What time is it?!"  
"Uh... 7:50."

"_Fuck._"

"I gotta go!"

Kyle ran out the front door, leaving a big mess – from the bathroom to his bedroom to the kitchen – for Ike to clean up.

"_Better get started..._" Ike thought wearily. "_Although most of this is really my fault... Kyle was taking so long that I rushed the food I made him. Spilled everything everywhere... I'm just a kid anyway; it's not my job to make sandwiches for my brother._"

* * *

Kyle stuffed the sandwiches into his mouth as quickly as he could, barely chewing them before swallowing them, all while he ran toward the school.

"_Dammit... Gotta run faster..._"

Kyle took another bite as he turned a corner, crashing headfirst into another student.

"Dammit!" the student yelled. "Watch where you're going, asshole!"

As soon as the student turned around, Kyle realized he was none other than Stan.

"Oh... Hey, Kyle."  
"H-Hi... Um... H-How are you doing?"  
"I'm OK. You?"  
"Kinda worried about being late to school, so if we could just..."  
"Same old Kyle..." Stan sighed as he resumed walking. "You really gotta learn how to relax every once in a while."  
"Well, unlike **you**, I actually like learning."  
"So... how have you been doing? We haven't spoken in a while."  
"Things are... complicated right now."  
"I hope this isn't still about Kenny..."  
"...Kinda."

"_I knew it..._" Stan thought. "_You've always been obsessive, even as a kid, and Butters doesn't have the guts to tell you to move the fuck on._"

"What about you?"  
"I'm good. Much better now, not having to deal with our group's nonstop drama every single day."  
"Yeah... The 'drama' hasn't stopped, though."  
"I gathered as much... Wanna talk about it?"  
"I... don't think that's such a good idea. It's kinda personal."  
"Alright... Well, we're here."  
"Awesome!"

Kyle started walking faster, yet Stan didn't speed up.

"Aren't you coming?"  
"Not yet. I have to... do something."  
"Does this 'something' have to do with why you reek of cigarettes?"

Stan lowered his head knowingly, prompting a response from Kyle.

"...Guess we're both fucked up, huh?"  
"Guess so..."

Kyle hugged Stan tight, trying to make his friend feel better. Stan awkwardly reciprocated, sparking memories in Kyle's head of the good times they had had together. His eyes began to tear up, and he squeezed Stan even harder, until Stan reminded him about why he had been running to school.

"Uh... Shouldn't you be going to class?"  
"Y-Yeah..." Kyle mumbled as he let go.  
"...You OK?"  
"...No." Kyle replied after shaking his head.

Without saying another word, Kyle walked away while wiping away his fresh tears.

"_I miss you, Stan... I just wish things were back to normal between us. **All** of us._"

* * *

In case you're wondering, yes, Kyle's screen name in the second version of the online chat scene ("Kyman") is a reference to the (bizarrely, IMO) common/famous pairing.


	3. Darkness

First, let me just say that I haven't stopped writing. However, I have been lacking in inspiration for some time, which is why it's been going slowly.  
**WARNING: This chapter gets into some dark corners of Kenny's mind and touches on the subjects of suicide and self-harm.** If you're not 100% certain you can deal with it, feel free to ask me for a more condensed version of this chapter. Keep in mind that I have no personal experience with either subject, so this is merely my interpretation of it.  
On a more personal note, if you yourself struggle with suicidal thoughts, contact a help hotline. The friends I have who used to struggle with suicidal thoughts (and told me about their experiences) did so and said it helped them quite a bit.

* * *

By the time Kyle arrived, most of his classmates had already entered the room. He managed to catch a glimpse of Kenny entering another room further down the hallway, yet he didn't try to make contact or even look at him for over half a second. He didn't want anyone – not even himself – to even think about the two of them together in any way. Kyle was still wishing he had never entered Kenny's house, and he was even beginning to regret his promise to help him. Kenny seemed fairly normal and happy at school, so either he was trying not to break down completely, or he was setting Kyle up for some kind of nasty prank.  
Kyle didn't know who to turn to. If he talked to Butters, he'd most likely say that Kenny was fucking with him, without listening to anything he had to say. If he talked to Kenny, he'd get angry again.

"_Maybe Stan can help me. He's never agreed or disagreed with me on anything just because it was me. I can trust him._"

* * *

After his first class, Kyle waited in front of the school for Stan to leave. He kept glancing at his watch, until he realized Stan had either already left, or never went in in the first place. A quick look outside confirmed it – Stan was there, sulking as always. Kyle quickly approached him, ignoring Butters along the way, and spoke of his problems. Stan became lost in deep thought for several minutes, occasionally looking at Kenny to see if he could tell what he was thinking, until he told Kyle what he had come up with.

"If he's serious about this, then he needs your help. I won't say he deserves it, but that's another story. If he's not, then you need to get away from him."  
"Uh... Yeah, Stan, I already knew all that. The question is: what do I do now? Should I just assume he's not serious and risk him going ballistic, or should I assume he **is** serious and risk being set up?"  
"I guess... You could keep helping him, but try to keep him at arm's length – don't get too involved. If you see anything that tells you he's setting you up, just walk away."  
"Hm..."  
"Hey, if you didn't need my advice, you wouldn't have asked for it."  
"It's not that."  
"Then what?"  
"...I'm just trying to figure out why **I** didn't think of that." Kyle laughed.

Stan smiled at his friend's comment, somewhat confused by his seemingly random and chaotic mood. Kyle had noticed it too – he didn't feel in control of himself, and that scared him. One minute he was crying, and the next he was chuckling loudly as if things were better than ever.

"_What's wrong with me?_" Kyle thought.

Kyle slowly moved back to Butters' side, adding to Stan's confusion.

"_A few hours ago he was hugging me and crying, now he just up and leaves... I'll never figure you out, Kyle._"

"What's wrong?" Butters asked.  
"What?"  
"You look... strange."  
"I just... I'm not feeling very well."  
"It's probably just a cold. Maybe we should get you inside."  
"...Yeah. Sure."

"_I don't understand how you can see stuff about Kenny and how I feel about him, yet be so oblivious to things like this._"

Kyle was wrong, though. Butters noticed a lot of things about Kyle, including his mood. However, there were some things he thought he should mention, and others he thought he should keep quiet about. This was one of the latter. He didn't want to make Kyle angrier or more unstable than he already was.

* * *

As the day passed, Kyle's mood swings became smoother, until they were barely noticeable. He felt more like himself: more relaxed, more in control – the way he was before this whole mess started. He even looked somewhat happy, much to Butters' amazement. However, there was still something going on that neither of them understood. He continued to blurt out random thoughts from time to time, though nothing he'd regret later. Sometimes he was able to get a hold of himself, other times he wasn't. He didn't really care, though.  
For the first time since he was a kid – before he had even met Kenny and the others – Kyle had managed to clear his head of all intrusive thoughts and just let his mind race. In one moment he could have been thinking about the cold weather, while the next he could have moved on to peanuts. There was no rhyme or reason to his thoughts; just nonstop ideas brought on by external stimuli. While others would have tried their best to push out thought altogether, Kyle preferred to think: he enjoyed it. He just didn't like it when he reached an issue he couldn't move past.  
By the time school was over, Kyle was so relaxed that he forgot all about Butters and was about to go home with Kenny. If not for Butters realizing Kyle was going the wrong way, his secret would have been revealed right away.

"Where are you going?" Butters asked.  
"I was just..."

Kyle looked at Kenny. He too had forgotten about the fact that Kyle's help was to remain a secret and was waiting for him. Realizing his mistake, Kenny looked at Kyle, nodded weakly, and left.

"_Kenny..._"

"What's wrong?" Butters asked as he tapped Kyle's shoulder, startling him.  
"...It's nothing. Let's go."

* * *

On their way to their respective homes, Kyle wondered if Butters had seen Kenny and the looks they traded. He was once again thinking that Butters was oblivious, and he was wrong once again. Butters was just hoping Kyle would talk to him on his own, without him needing to press the issue. When he realized that wasn't going to happen, he had a decision to make: ask about it or remain quiet and wait for a better time. However, Kyle made the choice for him. After quickly saying his goodbyes, Kyle rushed inside his house.

"_What are you hiding from me?_"

* * *

Kyle watched surreptitiously from his bedroom window as Butters slowly walked away. He could hear the blood rushing in his ears with the anticipation of seeing Kenny again. He was immobile, barely breathing while he observed, until his cellphone rang. Startled, he pulled it out of his pocket and answered. Kenny was on the other end, seemingly unaware that Kyle was waiting for him to say something.

"H-Hello?" Kyle said hesitantly.  
"Hey..."  
"What's wrong?"  
"I... I..." Kenny repeated mindlessly.

After several more seconds of nothing but minor static, a weak sob was heard just before Kenny hung up.

"_The fuck was that about? Is he hurt? Dammit, I've gotta get over there..._"

Kyle dropped his phone and sprinted for Kenny's house, knocking frantically on the door as soon as he got there. Karen wasn't home, so nobody opened it for a long time, making Kyle fear the worst.

"_Kenny... What did you do?_"

Kyle's worries were quelled when he heard Kenny moving toward the door and opening it. He looked sad, his eyes were red, and his hands were wet. There was a faint scent in the air that Kyle immediately recognized: the cheap soap used by Kenny's family.

"Kenny?"

Kenny remained silent, not daring to look into Kyle's eyes. Kyle briefly wondered if he had betrayed him somehow and was simply regretting it, or if there was something else going on. Kyle quickly got his answer when a single drop of blood fell from Kenny's fingertips. Realizing he couldn't keep his action a secret any more, Kenny simply said the first thing that came to his mind.

"...I couldn't help it."

Kyle didn't know what to say. Part of him wanted to berate Kenny, but that would only lead to more problems for both of them. The other part wanted to help him, as it had always wanted to, but the words wouldn't come out.  
Suddenly, Kenny started crying. First, tears accumulated on his eyes, slowly rolling down his cheeks, then the floodgates opened, and they pooled beneath him, diluting the single crimson droplet already on the ground, even as more followed. Without much alternative, Kyle had to say something – anything – if only to show Kenny that he was still there and would help him.

"Come on. Let's go inside for now."

Kenny stepped aside, allowing Kyle to enter his home, and locked the door behind him. It was strange, having Kyle lead the way to his room, but he wasn't complaining. Having Kyle around made him feel something he hadn't felt since they were children. It made him feel safe. It made him feel like maybe the world wasn't such a shitty place. It made him feel like everything could actually turn out alright; that he could be fixed. It made him feel hope.  
Kyle told Kenny to sit at his bed, which he quickly did. He then asked Kenny to take off his parka and shirt, so he could assess the damage, and he did. In his fragile state, it didn't matter if Kyle told him to sit down or do a headstand; Kenny would do whatever he told him to. He trusted Kyle implicitly and without question.  
Upon seeing all the cuts on Kenny's left arm, as well as the new one, Kyle couldn't help but recoil slightly. He was somewhat squeamish about blood, and Kenny knew it. It looked like Kenny had tried to clean himself up prior to Kyle's arrival, even slapping on a bandage too small to do anything, yet it had only made things worse.  
When Kyle told Kenny to wait and walked out, the blond was scared he was going to leave him alone. However, when Kyle returned with a few things from Kenny's bathroom, he was relieved. Kyle gently took Kenny's arm and cleaned his wound, paying no attention to Kenny himself, who was beginning to blush from embarrassment.  
Kyle wondered why he was helping Kenny in the first place. He felt like an idiot: he was no nurse, and he definitely didn't sign up for cleaning Kenny's wounds every time he did something stupid. So why was he doing it? Was it pity? Or did he still feel something toward Kenny resembling friendship? Then again, Kyle couldn't turn away from anyone who was hurting. It wasn't in him to deny help to those who needed it, as long as he could give it to them. When he couldn't, he usually broke into tears, angry at himself for being so useless, and at the world for being the way it was.  
Kenny, meanwhile, was mostly just trying not to chuckle at Kyle's overly soft touch. He also briefly wondered why Kyle would help him, but all he could think of was that Kyle pitied him. The thought brought tears to his eyes, so he ignored it, focusing instead on what Kyle was doing. The disinfectant Kyle used on the wound and the ensuing burning sensation aided his attempt to ignore his own thoughts. Kyle finally wrapped some gauze around the wound, making sure it was just enough to cover it, without being noticeable through Kenny's clothes.  
Kenny stared at the wooden floor, still too scared to look into Kyle's eyes, afraid of what he'd see. Kyle sighed softly, before finding the right words to say what he wanted to say.

"Look at me, Kenny."  
"I..."

Kenny slowly raised his bright blue eyes, frightened by Kyle's toneless voice. Yet, as soon as he saw Kyle's concerned expression and the tears in his eyes, that immediately changed. His own eyes swelled with tears when he heard Kyle's new request.

"Please don't do that again." Kyle begged in a low, wobbly voice.  
"...I won't."

* * *

**AN: I really tried to get into Kenny and Kyle's heads here (above) even more than usual, to make it as realistic as possible. Basically, I placed myself in that situation and tried to "figure out what happened", if you will (if you've seen "The Pretender", you'll know what I mean). If you thought it worked, please let me know.**

* * *

Kyle never figured out what had pushed Kenny to the brink so quickly, especially after having seen a real smile on his face for the first time in years just the day before, and he didn't dare mention it. Kenny knew exactly why he had done it, but he also knew Kyle would go ballistic if he knew the truth.  
Nevertheless, Kenny upheld his promise, perhaps even overly so. He never even picked up anything sharper than a pencil outside meals, as he was afraid of what he might do. There was a part of him that compelled him to harm himself, especially when he was alone. Every compliment from others, everything he succeeded at; every good moment only staved off that compulsion for a few moments, before thoughts of futility took hold. When he was with Kyle, though, things changed. He didn't feel the need to punish himself any more. He didn't hate himself any more. Until Kyle went away. Then all the dark thoughts and feelings came crashing down on him, nearly choking him in their grip. Kyle was the beacon of light whenever he was alone and surrounded by darkness. It was the only thing keeping him from having another breakdown and curling up in a ball, waiting for that final release he knew would never come: death.  
In a way, Kyle was glad he had confirmed Kenny was telling the truth, although he'd never admit it to Butters or Stan, especially Butters. He would have preferred any other method of finding out the truth, but what was done was done, and there was no turning back.

* * *

Kyle had become so used to helping Kenny with his schoolwork that he had conversations with Kenny in his head after every class, trying to figure out the best way to tutor him on the subject. Although Kenny seemed significantly happier, Kyle was more exhausted than ever. Between his schoolwork, helping Kenny, and keeping Butters in the dark about what he was doing, Kyle hardly had time to sleep for more than six hours. Kenny wasn't completely oblivious to Kyle's fatigue: he could tell something was wrong, only he didn't know exactly what, nor did he have the courage to ask. He was too scared of Kyle leaving him; scared of being alone again. The darkness in him told him that he deserved to be alone forever – after all, his choices were what had made him lose his friends in the first place – but he was desperately trying to fight it. Kyle being with him was the only thing keeping him from losing the battle. Every second with Kyle was another moment a candle stayed lit after he left; a piece of Kyle himself, to shine and guide Kenny's way.  
Every once in a while, when he was alone, Kenny went back to the time Kyle cleaned his wound. He thought about how it had felt, and Kyle's expression upon finishing. There was something about his eyes that Kenny hadn't seen before, but, with time, he finally figured it out. Aside from the obvious concern and sadness, there was a hint of desperation. For that brief moment, Kyle didn't believe Kenny could get better. And who could blame him? Kenny himself never believed it. However, it was in that very same moment – the moment when Kyle had lost all hope – that Kenny realized something: in spite of what everyone – Kenny included – thought, Kyle was the strongest one of the group. Always had been.  
When Cartman pushed him, Kyle either fought back or withstood his constant abuse. When his brother was in peril, Kyle took care of him at any cost. When he got AIDS, Kyle did nothing short of finding the cure for it. The others had broken down, sometimes more than once: Stan had often resorted to drinking and smoking to relieve his stress since he was a child, Cartman would start crying if he didn't get his way – though Kenny wasn't sure if he was actually that upset or if he was always just trying to manipulate everyone into giving him what he wanted – and Kenny himself had tried to commit suicide in every way imaginable for as long as he could remember, just to see if it would stick. Only Kyle remained strong, no matter the situation. His brief loss of hope was evidence of something else; something Kenny shared and had already surrendered to.

* * *

Kenny stared at Kyle absently, trying to figure out what made him so different. What had given him his seemingly unbreakable will? It couldn't be his childhood experiences: for as long as Kenny had known him, Kyle was indomitable. It couldn't be genetics either: personality is not inherited, or so Kyle had tried to explain. What was his secret?

"Kenny?"  
"Hm?"  
"Pay attention."  
"S-Sorry."  
"Like I was saying..." Kyle sighed.

No sooner had Kyle resumed his explanation than Kenny's mind started wandering again. He was still more or less aware of Kyle's speech, but not enough to understand most of what was being said. Whenever Kyle asked him if he understood, Kenny simply nodded, without any idea of what Kyle was talking about. He was focused entirely on Kyle. The more he stared at Kyle, the more certain he became of his own feelings. It was why he missed Kyle before he had even left his sight. It was why he had snapped several weeks ago. And it was why he was about to ask Kyle for the biggest favor yet.

"Kyle, um..."  
"What?"  
"I... I-I really didn't want to ask you this, but... My PE teacher wants us... to..."  
"What?"  
"She wants us to learn how to dance." Kenny spat while looking at the floor.

Kyle's eyes widened as he stared at Kenny. Was Kenny really asking him what he thought he was? Kyle decided to play it cool and pretend like he didn't know what Kenny wanted. He kept looking at the notebook in front of him, double checking Kenny's homework while holding a pencil and pretending to be deciding whether or not to underline some things or cross them out entirely, yet not really paying attention to it.

"Don't you go to clubs or whatever using fake ID's?"  
"Not **that** kind... She wants us to learn... slow-dance stuff."

If there were any doubts left in Kyle's mind about what Kenny wanted, they were gone now. However, he kept playing dumb, hoping Kenny would take the hint.

"So? If she wants you to learn, just let her teach you."

Kyle didn't know Kenny was blatantly lying to him. Or rather, that he was trying to be subtle about what he now wanted more than anything: intimacy with Kyle. Before Kyle became suspicious, Kenny made up an excuse for his request.

"You know how she is. She doesn't really tell us to do or teach us **anything** in class, but, when she **does** tell us to do something, we **have** to do it."  
"I still don't see how that's **my** problem."  
"Well, you **did** kind of... volunteer to help me with schoolwork."  
"With your **home**work. This is **not** homework."  
"When you started helping me you didn't limit it to just homework..." Kenny retorted sheepishly.  
"Why does she even want you to learn how to **dance** anyway?"  
"Well, there's the school dance at the end of the year and all that..."  
"**That's** why she wants you to learn how to dance? Do you even want to attend?"  
"Well, I... There **is** someone I'd like to invite to come with me."  
"And you think you **actually** need to learn how to dance? You could invite any girl and dance like a retard with cerebral palsy, and she'd still think you were the hottest guy around."

Kyle kept fiddling with the notebook in front of him for a while, until Kenny asked him a question that broke even the willpower he was exerting to pretend to be focusing on Kenny's homework.

"D..."

Kyle hummed questioningly. Kenny took a deep breath, closed his eyes, exhaled calmly, and asked what he wanted with a shaky voice.

"D-Do you... Do **you** think I'm hot?"

Kyle's eyes flew open at Kenny's question. He clenched his fists reflexively with enough strength to snap the pencil he was holding in two, which flipped through the air in opposite directions and ended up on the floor. Upon hearing the pencil snap, Kenny regretted even having conceived of the question. However, Kyle quickly regained control of his hands and shakingly opened them, using his right to wipe away the remains of the broken pencil from his left.

"Wh... Why would you even ask **me** that? Why would you even **care**? What, you think that, just because I like guys, I'm gonna fall in love with the first blond with blue eyes I see?"  
"I didn't-"  
"Let me tell you something: **I don't care** if you're the hottest guy in the history of the Universe. I don't give a **shit** if you're smart or dumb, or even brain-dead. If you're a **good person**, I will like you. If you're **not** someone who tells his life-long friends to **fuck off** just because he found some new ones that will make him temporarily famous or whatever, at some **crap** excuse for a school in a tiny town in fucking **Colorado**, for example, I will like you."

Kenny's eyes jumped to the floor. Kyle suddenly realized what he had said and became resentful. He didn't mean the last part. He **did** like Kenny, even though Kenny had had been a jerk to him for a long time, but it was nowhere as much as when Kenny was still officially his friend, nor was it anywhere in the realm of romantic interest. Now, however, he couldn't even tell Kenny he still thought of him as a friend without risking it going to his head.  
From the silence came a familiar sound. Kyle looked at Kenny and realized he was crying and sobbing. Fat tears rolled down his cheeks and accumulated on the floor beneath him. Kyle instinctively and slowly leaned forward and reached out for Kenny's face, wanting to stroke his cheeks and comfort him, but stopped and quickly retracted his hand before he even touched Kenny's hood. Instead, he decided to apologize for his momentary insensitivity.

"Look, Kenny... I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said about you. I was just... nervous."  
"No... You're right... I'm a bad person. I don't deserve a friend like you."

Kyle's anger flared up at Kenny's statement. He didn't know if Kenny was trying to manipulate him or not, but he decided to err on the side of caution and assume he was. Kenny kept sobbing and crying for several minutes, running out of tears halfway through. Kyle's anger slowly faded away with every tear that hit the ground. Nobody he knew of could cry for so long unless their feelings were true.  
Kyle's hand once again started heading toward his friend. This time, it touched him. First the few golden strands of hair that couldn't be held back by the bright orange hood, then the hood itself. Kenny felt something, but he thought it was just his hood bending inward, as the pressure being exerted on his hair was tiny. Realizing that Kenny hadn't noticed it was him, Kyle slid his hand to Kenny's right cheek and wiped away some of his tears with his thumb. Kenny's hand found its way to Kyle's and held it gently. Kyle thought about pulling away, but his arm wouldn't obey him. Finally, Kenny raised his eyes, locking them with Kyle's. Kenny's eyes were red from crying, yet the irises were still the same sky-blue shade they had been for as long as Kyle could remember them. Kyle's eyes were still emerald-green, but reflected his deep regret over having caused Kenny pain. Kenny realized that Kyle was just inches away from him and couldn't help it. He slowly approached Kyle, who didn't even twitch, aiming his lips for his friend's. Kyle's lips slowly parted, as did Kenny's. Their hearts raced as the thoughts of what was to come flooded their minds, and time itself slowed to a grinding halt. They both held their breaths in anticipation, ready to take the final step. They approached each other to the point where they could feel the heat coming out of their bodies. As soon as their lips brushed against each other, though, Karen knocked on the door and quickly opened it. The boys immediately pulled back, with Kyle once again looking at the notebook on his lap and Kenny pretending to be paying attention to it as well. They were both bright red, but Karen acted as if she hadn't noticed it.

"Kenny, I've called you like eight times."  
"W-What?"  
"You've got a phone call. It's Clyde."  
"J-Just... Just tell him I'll be right down."  
"OK..."  
"Please close the door when you leave, Karen."  
"Alright."

Karen promptly left, closing the door like Kenny asked. As soon as she was out of hearing range, Kenny approached Kyle again, but, this time, Kyle gently pushed him away and leaned backward. Kenny was baffled.

"I-I thought..."  
"I-I'm sorry... I-I can't... I should go, and **you** should go answer the phone; it might be important."

Kenny's puzzled expression only barely reflected a fraction of his confusion. Kyle quickly put everything he had brought – except one half of the broken pencil – back into his backpack. Before leaving, he noticed Kenny's face, yet simply repeated part of his last sentence.

"I should go. I'll come by tomorrow, alright?"  
"A-Alright..."

Before Kenny had even finished speaking, Kyle was already going down the stairs, headed for the front door. Kenny stared at his bedroom door for a long time, unsure of what to do. Kyle wanted to kiss him just as much as he did; that much Kenny knew for sure. So why did he reject him after Karen showed up? Kenny's eyes met the broken pencil half Kyle had left behind. He reached for it, grabbing it from one end and examining it thoroughly. He didn't know what he was looking for – maybe nothing at all – but he was utterly confused and didn't really think about what he was doing.

* * *

Downstairs, Karen was trying to calm down Clyde, who, like her, was growing more impatient by the second.

"Come on, Karen! Where the fuck is your brother?"  
"Don't talk to me like that! He'll be right down."

Clyde groaned loudly, making sure it was loud enough to hurt Karen's ears.

"Come on! Go get him!" Clyde said, mimicking someone giving orders to a dog. "Just go upstairs an-"

Karen angrily hung up the phone and went to check on her brother. She found him still staring at the pencil, completely hypnotized by it.

"Kenny? You OK?"

Kenny didn't even hear his sister. He kept staring at the pencil, slowly turning it to look at it from all possible angles. Karen approached him as loudly and indifferently, yet he didn't notice her. It wasn't until she made physical contact that he suddenly jumped, wide-eyed.

"Kenny?"  
"What? What?"  
"Um... Clyde was really being a jerk, so I hung up on him."  
"You hung up on him?!"  
"Yes! I don't care if he's your friend; he's a jerk... I don't understand why you don't hang out with Kyle and the others anymore."  
"Stan and Kyle won't have anything to do with me after I... did some stuff."  
"Well... At least **Kyle** seems to be over it."  
"Whaddya mean?"  
"Well, he's been showing up here every day for months now. He seems to have forgiven you... Maybe Stan can too."  
"Stan... Stan isn't really talking to anyone anymore. He just stands around in a corner, listening to music on his iPhone and not really moving, except to change a song when he doesn't like what he's listening to. He let his hair grow to his shoulders, but never combs it; he just trims it every couple of months."  
"Have you tried... talking to him?"  
"What am I supposed to say?"  
"You could start with 'Hello' and go from there."  
"...It's **my** fault he's like this. If I hadn't... Even Kyle said so... I'm a bad person."

Kenny once again stared at the broken pencil he held in his hand. Neither McCormick understood the significance of the pencil, yet they both knew one thing: Kenny was obsessed with it. In an attempt to break whatever spell the pencil had on him, Karen wrapped her arms around her brother and squeezed him gently.

"You're not a bad person, and I don't believe Kyle thinks that you're a bad person."  
"But that's what he said."  
"He was probably just upset about something. I've lived with you all my life. Trust me, you're not a bad guy. I know that, when the time comes, you'll do the right thing. You always have."  
"...Thank you, Karen."

Karen released her brother, hoping that he'd toss away the pencil and forget whatever was bothering him about it, but no such luck. As soon as he was able to, his eyes locked onto the pencil.

"You want me to... throw that out for you?" Karen asked hesitantly.  
"Um..."

Kenny knew the pencil was worthless, yet he couldn't let it go. He glanced at his sister. Her eyes showed deep concern for him, yet he still couldn't let it go. Eventually, he decided to blatantly lie to her.

"I... I'll throw it out myself."  
"OK..."

Karen patted her brother's back and slowly left his room, looking back at him with every tiny step. The first couple of steps, Kenny stared back at her, but, after the third step she took, Kenny was once again staring at the pencil, sighing wearily.

"_What the hell is so important about that stupid pencil?_" Karen thought.

* * *

Kyle was almost at his house. His pace had been irregular – sometimes speeding up, other times slowing down – yet he still managed to make it in record time. His heart was as irregular as his pace, but it only seemed to be speeding up. Kyle was short on breath, his chest was tight, and even his loose-fitting shirt seemed to be suffocating him. He went straight into his room and quickly took off his shirt, to relieve the pressure he was feeling on his neck. When that didn't work, he recalled what he had learned about the human body and lied down on his bed, taking deep breaths. After a while, he regained his composure. He got up and sat at the edge of his bed, looking at the floor as he recalled the events that had occurred just a few minutes ago.

"_I was just trying to comfort him... And he tried to kiss me. At least... I think he wanted to. Then Karen came in and ruined everything._"

Kyle's eyes widened at his own unspoken words. He didn't mean to say "ruined"... Did he? He began to analyze the verb itself. Just what did the verb "ruin" actually **mean**? Since he had limited knowledge on the subject – or perhaps because the knowledge he had only led to the obvious and unwanted conclusion – he decided to check online.

"_Ruin... 'To harm irreparably'. This is definitely not it... Ah, here we go. 'To destroy completely'. This makes more sense. I don't think she 'harmed' me by interrupting whatever Kenny wanted to do, but she did destroy the action completely. This makes sense. That's why I thought of the word 'ruin'; I must've seen this definition before._"

Kyle lied back down on his bed and sighed, relieved.

"_This makes sense..._"

* * *

Kenny woke up the next day still feeling confused. His dreams that night had been perplexing, both emotionally and physically. He recalled kissing Kyle over and over again in every way he could think of, yet he couldn't recall having felt anything pressed against his lips. He stayed under his bedsheets, trying to resolve what was puzzling his head. He drifted closer and closer to sleep, yet things became increasingly clearer. He was starting to put the pieces together.

"_Kyle **wanted** to do it. I could see it in his eyes, and his lips didn't lie either. Then Karen came in, and, suddenly, he didn't want it anymore... Or maybe... He has that... What's it called? He told me about it... It's called cog... cogn... Dammit, cog-something; it doesn't matter. What if he's afraid of doing what he wants? Nah, that doesn't sound like Kyle... Although... Maybe he's afraid of what might happen if he did. He thinks... I'm going to betray him somehow. That's it!_"

Before Kenny's ultimate conclusion could fully take hold, his alarm went off, shattering his thoughts and jolting him awake. He slammed the snooze button, quickly closing his eyes so as to focus on what he had just thought, but couldn't. Everything was gone, except for a sense that he had figured out something regarding Kyle and him that was of the utmost importance. Slowly but surely, things began to come back to him. First the thoughts regarding Kenny's mystery word reemerged. He tried not to linger on those for too long, yet he still wasted time with them. Finally, much to Kenny's relief, he began to remember the train of thought that had led him to the truth. Everything was falling into place again, until another, unrelated, thought popped into his head.

"_Did I hit the 'snooze' button instead of the 'off' button?_"

His alarm once again made itself heard. Like before, it crushed Kenny's thoughts with its deafening and annoying noise.

"_FUCKING SHIT!_"

This time, to prevent any more alarm-related mishaps, Kenny threw the clock against the wall in anger, smashing it, but also awakening his parents and sister, the former of whom became enraged at his blatant disregard for noise levels. They yelled back at him, forcing him to apologize for several minutes, until they finally got up and started their day. Kenny quickly closed his eyes and focused one last time.

"_This time... This time it's for real._"

Kenny was met with disappointment. No matter how hard he tried, the effort he had made to suddenly get up, scream, and throw the alarm clock against the wall had successfully and completely woken him up. The noises his parents were making in the bathroom weren't helping either. He could hear his father's electric razor and his mother setting the temperature for a quick shower. There was simply no way he could get his thoughts back. His ultimate understanding had come and gone forever. He turned around, placing his face firmly against his pillow, and sighed.

"_I wish Kyle would just **tell me** what's wrong... I wonder if he'd be like this if we were... together. I sure hope not. I don't know if I could deal with someone like that. Of course, that's **if** he even wants to be with me._"

* * *

Later that day, at school, Kenny hung out with his usual crowd, while Kyle stayed with Butters. They glanced at each other when they were sure nobody – including each other – was looking. Butters quickly realized it, though, as Kyle had never been too inconspicuous about anything.

"Why do you keep staring at Kenny?"  
"What?"  
"Why do you keep staring at Kenny?" Butters repeated.  
"I-I'm not!"  
"He's over there, you keep staring over there, he keeps staring over here. What happened? What's going on?"  
"I... I-I mean, he... might have tried to kiss me."  
"...And you **let** him?"  
"I said 'tried', didn't I?"  
"But you were **going** to?"  
"Don't be stupid. I know he'd probably just use that to try and blackmail me or something. Maybe brag to his 'friends' about what a 'fag' I am and how **I** was the one who tried to kiss **him**."  
"If you say s-"  
"I mean, I don't deny that he's attractive, but he's a total moron. He sounds like we did when we were **eight**. He hasn't grown up in **eight years**. Not really."  
"Alri-"  
"Did you know he actually asked me to-"  
"Kyle!"  
"What?"  
"Enough. Calm down. I get it. He's an idiot, and you don't like him. You don't need to keep saying so."  
"...Sorry. He pisses me off is all."

Kyle was more grateful to Butters than he was remorseful over having talked about Kenny for so long. If Butters hadn't interrupted him, he would've spilled the secret about Kenny having asked him to teach him how to dance.  
Kyle glanced at Kenny again. Kenny had also decided to glance at Kyle at that very moment, and their eyes met, locking into place instantly. Kenny gulped reflexively, while Kyle stopped breathing altogether. Their pupils dilated, immediately and almost completely covering their irises. Their hearts sped up, pumping blood into their cheeks, which turned bright red. However, only Kyle's were visible, as Kenny's skin was darker than the ginger's. Finally, the bell rang, breaking their spell. Their gaze had been cut very short, lasting only about a second, yet they had no idea. To them, it felt like they had been staring at each other for several minutes, if not hours. They blinked several times as they broke away from each other, with Kenny staring at his friends and Kyle staring at the ground as he gasped for air. Butters only saw the very last fraction of a second before the bell rang, yet he had had time to realize that the boys' gazes had met. He could also hear Kyle gasping, quickly realizing that there was more to his friend's story than what he had revealed. As soon as Butters looked at Kyle and saw his red cheeks, there were no more doubts on his mind: Kyle still liked Kenny. Maybe even more than before.

"What?" Kyle said.  
"Hm?"  
"Why are you staring at me?"  
"Oh... no reason..." Butters replied sarcastically.

Butters tried to see if anyone was within hearing distance of the duo. Once he realized nobody was, he told Kyle what he had seen.

"I saw how you were staring at him."  
"Uh..."  
"And don't say that your eyes just 'happened' to go by where he was. I've never seen you turn so red before in my life."

Kyle grunted dismissively, prompting Butters to reveal his conclusion.

"...You still like him, don't you?"  
"I really-"  
"Don't lie to me. Everything screams that you still like him."  
"I **was** going to say..."

Kyle looked at Butters for a long time. He didn't know if he should confirm what his friend knew or deny it. Lying to Butters had become exhausting. He didn't want to do it any more. However, he knew Butters would give him the longest speech of his life about abusive partners if he told him the truth. Instead, Kyle dodged the issue.

"I really..."  
"...Yes?"  
"...I-I really think we should get to class."

Kyle ran as quickly as he could toward the main school building, followed by Butters. Although the blond was faster, Kyle had a running start, and so reached the classroom a split second before Butters. Butters didn't try to hide his anger, either in his expression or his speech.

"Don't pull that bullshit on me again. If you don't want to tell me, just say so."  
"I-I..."  
"Don't start. The fact that you ran away means it's true."  
"I'm sorry..."  
"...Let's just get to class."  
"Butters-"

Before Kyle could try to calm Butters down, he stepped through the door and sat down in one of the available seats, making sure it was far away from other empty seats, so Kyle couldn't be near him. He needed to cool down before talking to Kyle again.

* * *

After class, Butters kept ignoring Kyle, much to his chagrin. The more he pushed and tried to calm Butters down, the angrier Butters became, until he had had enough.

"Just shut the fuck up, Kyle! You're really pissing me off. You've been lying to me for weeks now, maybe months."  
"It's not like that. I-"  
"Really? Then what was with that staring thing earlier today?"  
"...Do you really want the truth?"  
"Yes!"  
"...I've been helping Kenny with schoolwork for a while now. I went there to kick his ass and wound up promising to help him."  
"Why?"  
"I couldn't just leave him... Not like that."  
"Like what?"  
"...I can't tell you. Just trust me; he needs help."  
"Do you still like him?"  
"No." Kyle replied without hesitation. "In fact... I wish I hadn't seen what I did. At least then I wouldn't be stuck like this."  
"You'd rather he just needed help and didn't get it?"  
"I wouldn't know about it, so it'd be irrelevant. The only reason I'm helping him is because I feel sorry for him."  
"Kyle..."  
"Now you know. Happy?"

Butters remained silent, quickly changing the subject, his anger now subsided. Kyle's stomach was twisting itself into knots after what he had said about Kenny, but there was no turning back. Kyle and Butters hadn't noticed it, but Kenny wasn't with his usual group; instead, he had gone to talk to Stan, to see if Karen's assessment was accurate. They had both heard everything, and Stan didn't know what to say. He believed Kyle's words, and was stunned he was capable of thinking them.  
Kenny started shivering, holding back an endless stream of tears and sobs, prompting Stan to say something he immediately regretted.

"You OK, Kenny?"  
"...I have to go."

Before Stan had time to react, Kenny left, unwittingly passing through Kyle's visual range.

"_Poor Kenny..._" Stan thought. "_I can't even imagine what must going through his mind right now._"

Kyle watched as Kenny rejoined his usual group of friends, without realizing the obvious.

"Hey, Kenny." Clyde said. "What's wrong? Stan give you a hard time?"

Clyde burst out laughing, reminding Kenny of the way Cartman used to mock him and Kyle. Though he always claimed it was just "friendly teasing", Kenny could tell by his laughter it was nothing of the sort. Clyde's laugh was almost exactly the same, sending shivers down his spine.

"...I'm fine." Kenny grumbled as he glanced angrily at Kyle.

* * *

For the rest of the day, Kenny stared angrily at Kyle in random intervals, but Kyle never looked back, for fear that Butters would figure out he hadn't been completely truthful yet again. Stan was observing the trio from afar, quickly concluding Butters believed Kyle's words, but also realizing Kyle's story was largely false. What he couldn't understand was why Kyle had lied. It didn't seem like the smart thing to do, and Kyle was all about doing the smart thing.

"_Kyle must know just as much as I do that Butters will kill him the second he finds out he's lying... It's not even a matter of 'if'. Butters is smart. He'll figure it out. So why did Kyle lie?_"

* * *

Later that day, Kyle went to Kenny's home, as usual. Kenny wasn't waiting for him – a first – but he didn't think much of it. After ringing the doorbell, however, instead of opening it, Kenny went to his bedroom window.

"What?"  
"...What do you mean? I'm here, like we agreed."  
"...Give me a minute."

Kenny slammed his window shut, much to Kyle's surprise.

"_What the fuck is wrong with him?_"

Kenny paced around in his room, trying to figure out what to say. He was angry at Kyle, yet he was also in love with him. The conflicting emotions clashed in his head, each vying for a different reaction. Disoriented, Kenny stumbled out of his room and down the stairs, barely managing not to trip and fall. However, by the time he shakingly opened the door, one emotion had prevailed over the other.

"What's the matter?" Kyle asked, oblivious to his friend's awareness.  
"...I heard you talking to Butters."

"_Crap._"

"If you don't want to help me, I won't force you to. Goodbye."  
"Kenny, wait-"  
"No! I told you I was a bad person. **You** told me I was a bad person. And I am, I admit it. But at least I didn't lie to you."  
"Kenny, please listen. I... I couldn't tell Butters the truth."  
"Really? And what exactly **is** 'the truth'?"  
"...I can't... tell you."  
"Why not?!"  
"Why don't you tell your friends you like me?"  
"I-I..."  
"Don't lie to me. You tried to **kiss** me!"  
"It's not like you resisted."

Kyle turned around so Kenny couldn't see his face turning bright red, immediately changing the subject.

"The point **is**... we both keep secrets... Even from our friends."  
"...Fine. Now go away."  
"Why?"  
"Because I'm still pissed at you."  
"How am I supposed to apologize if-"  
"You're not. Leave me be."  
"Ken-"  
"What, you think one little apology – and you haven't **once** said you're sorry – is suddenly going to make things better? That it's going to make me less angry?"  
"Why are you even angry at me? What **exactly** did I say that made you angry?"  
"...I thought you were helping me because... because you were my friend. Turns out you just think I'm pathetic."  
"I never said that. And besides, since when do you even care what **anyone** thinks of you?"  
"...I care what **you** think."  
"Kenny, I'm not... I'm the last person you should ask about you."  
"Why?"  
"Because I care about you."  
"Come on..."  
"Do you think I'd keep coming here if I didn't?"  
"...You can't expect me to believe that after you told Butters you were only helped me because you felt sorry for me."  
"I don't expect you to do anything other than what you usually do – figure things out for yourself. But I **am** telling you the truth, Kenny. I care about you."  
"...Then come to the prom with me."  
"...What?" Kyle laughed nervously.  
"You heard me."  
"I-I didn't mean like... I-I can't just- I-I mean, w-we- I-I..."  
"...I understand." Kenny replied as he lowered his head.

Kenny slowly closed the door halfway before Kyle finally said something that made any sense.

"Wait!" Kyle yelled. "I... I'll think about it." he added while he stared at the ground.  
"Really?"  
"Yeah..." Kyle reaffirmed, looking into Kenny's eyes. "I-I mean, I can't... you know, make any promises, but... I'll think about it." he continued as his eyes drifted away.  
"...Thanks, Kyle."

The boys stared at the ground for a while before Kyle asked the most important question he could think of at the moment.

"...You still angry?"  
"Little bit."  
"Do you want me to leave?"  
"Yes... No... I don't know."  
"...If you need a break from me, I understand."  
"I don't know if I want one."  
"But you do need one."  
"...Maybe."  
"It's OK, Kenny. I'll come back when you need me again."  
"Tomorrow."  
"Hm?"  
"...Come back tomorrow."  
"I will. Promise."  
"...Thank you, Kyle."

Kyle nodded, leaving before he said anything that would make Kenny angrier. Kenny, though, was simply wondering if Kyle really liked him, or if "thinking about it" was his way of politely declining his offer. Or worse: that his answer was simply an attempt at manipulating him into calming down.

* * *

While Kenny tried to figure out what Kyle's answer really meant, Kyle himself was having trouble even standing. His exhaustion had climbed to unprecedented levels; he sometimes fell asleep outright, no matter where he was or what he was doing. It hadn't happened when he was with Kenny, but it was just a matter of time.

"_Kenny's really taking a lot out of me... At least today I can get some sleep._"

Kyle slowly made his way home, hitting everything along the way. He was dizzy, and he could barely see two feet in front of him. He knew he was about to pass out in seconds, if he was lucky. Dragging himself through his bedroom door and onto his bed, Kyle fell asleep instantaneously.

* * *

Several hours later, Kenny sat at his desk chair, staring at his borrowed alarm clock. Its incessant red blinking light, combined with Kenny's solitude, were only made worse by the absolute silence that accompanied them. Within minutes, Kenny was scratching his arms, often finding himself motioning his hands as if he was cutting them. After a while, he slammed his hands on his knees, taking deep breaths to calm himself down.

"_Keep it together, Kenny... Kyle's gone, but you can manage without him. You just need to hold on until tomorrow..._"

Kenny tried going to sleep, to keep his mind busy – or blank – until he could be with Kyle again, but it didn't work. The more he tried to relax, the more stressed out he got. Deep breaths quickly became shallow gasps for air, which then turned into faint sobbing.

"_I can't do this... I need him. I... I can't..._"

Kenny's eyes darted across the ceiling, looking for anything to distract him. The more he searched, the darker it became, until he couldn't see anything at all. In his desperation, he searched for sleeping pills, not remembering Kyle had gotten rid of them weeks ago at his request. While riffling through his desk, however, he found something he had forgotten about – the broken half of the pencil he had told Karen he'd get rid of. At first, it only served to make him relive the moment when he became convinced Kyle didn't like him. He kept thinking his life was inconsequential; that it didn't matter to anyone if he died; that everyone would be better off if he died. And that he wouldn't die. He'd go on living for eternity, broken beyond repair, trapped in a place he didn't want to be in, doing things he didn't want to do, long after everyone else had turned to dust. His own body was a testament to his surrender; if he thought he could die, he'd have done so a long time ago.  
Kenny lied down on his bed, clutching the broken pencil in his hand, and closed his eyes. His mind raced too quickly for him to process a single thought; every time he tried, he felt himself sink deeper into the darkness in his mind.

"_Maybe... there's a... way I can... just... go... I don't want... I don't... belong._"

As he lain on his side, facing a wall, Kenny felt something stirring in his bedroom. It made no sound, yet was perfectly audible. It didn't move so much as emerge, yet Kenny could feel the air around him almost coming alive. It was a strange sensation that soon gave itself a voice.

"If you want to go... just go..."

Kenny's eyes flew open upon hearing it speak. He didn't dare move an inch, even as he felt coldness approaching. When something finally touched him, he tried moving, to no avail. His entire body was paralyzed, he couldn't see, and cries for help came out as low sighs.

"Come with me... Kenneth. Free yourself."

Kenny felt a cold hand with long fingers clutch his arm, finally snapping him out of his paralysis. Startled, he rose from his bed, throwing his bed sheets at whatever had grabbed him and dashing for the light switch. His heart was almost exploding in his chest as he realized there was nothing there. He was alone, as he had been for some time.

"_I... I must've been dreaming... No; something else... Something... I don't know... I need something to drink._"

Kenny poked his head out of his bedroom window. The light from his room only illuminated a few inches of the hallway. He didn't dare venture out into the darkness, yet he didn't want to risk waking his family either by turning on all the lights. Grabbing his phone, he turned on its flashlight, thinking it to be a good compromise, if he could just keep it from shining into his family members' bedrooms.

"_Well... here we go._"

Kenny slowly made his way downstairs, toward the kitchen, shaking with every step. The flashlight in his hand darted across every dark corner around him almost on its own, to keep him safe of what was hiding in the dark. By the time he reached the kitchen, he felt like he had walked for miles.

"_Tap water's out of the question... Our pipes suck; they'd make too much noise. Dad drank all the beer, so... Glass of milk? I guess it's better than nothing..._"

Opening the fridge, Kenny grabbed a nearly-empty carton of milk, closing the door as quickly and quietly as possible. He reached for a nearby glass, chocolate powder, and opened a drawer for something to stir. As soon as he looked in the drawer, he froze. His hands had been shaking before, but they were now frozen in place, practically crushing his phone in his hand.

"_If I... Then I can... sleep._"

Kenny put his phone down on the counter, slowly reaching for one of the knives in the drawer. He blinked several times, trying to keep himself from staring at them, yet he couldn't. Their blades reflected the light from his phone, giving the sight an ominous feeling. Suddenly, he remembered the time Kyle cleaned his wound; how it felt. Images of Kyle crying, begging him not to do it again coursed through his mind. He could hear Kyle's voice, begging, and his own promise not to do it. Yet it was not enough. Before he knew it, the knife was in his right hand, ready to take the final step and break his oath. He held it tightly, trying to put it back in the drawer and slam it shut, never looking back, but he couldn't. Kenny opened his left hand. The broken half of the pencil was still there, once again reminding him of Kyle. It reminded him that Kyle cared. It reminded him that there was someone who did like him; someone who accepted him... without any reason to.  
The blood rushed in Kenny's ears, his arms itched uncomfortably, and his breathing became erratic. Suddenly, the same voice that had haunted him in his room made itself heard again.

"You're pathetic."

He knew of only one way to make it stop. Looking at both hands, one with a knife, the other with a useless broken pencil, hearing the voice's last sentence repeat itself in his mind, Kenny shivered, unwittingly dropping the broken pencil on the ground, and started crying.

"_...Forgive me, Kyle._"

* * *

This is not the end of the story, so don't worry.


	4. A Rose In Any Other Color

"_What time is it?_"

Kyle blinked lazily several times, slowly crawling out of his bed and falling headfirst onto the floor.

"_Ow... I need more rest... At least it's Saturday... Sleep..._"

He wanted to get up and back on his bed, but his muscles simply didn't have the strength to do so. Every time he tried, it felt like someone was pushing him down. Dragging himself all the way to his rug, he fell asleep again, unaware of Kenny's moment of weakness.

* * *

Kenny paced around in his room, wondering where Kyle was and if he should send him away as soon as he arrived. If he invited him inside, he'd have to lie to him about how he was feeling, or Kyle would probably snap. If he sent him away, Kyle might find out the truth, and then he'd definitely snap and leave him alone forever.  
Telling Kyle the truth didn't even cross Kenny's mind. He knew that, if he told Kyle the truth, about how he really felt; how much he needed him, Kyle would stay, no matter what. Even if Kenny hurt him, just as he had been doing for a long time, Kyle would stay. Even if Kenny betrayed him in the worst way possible, Kyle would stay. Kenny wanted Kyle to make his own choice.

"_...If I tell him to go or lie, he'll go either way. If I tell him the truth, he'll stay, but he won't be happy... I can't do that to him. I'd rather be miserable for the rest of my... very long... life._"

* * *

Kyle finally rose, nearly succumbing to weak legs and knees. Reaching for the wristwatch on his desk, Kyle's eyes snapped open as he realized it was almost lunch time.

"_I have to... shower... eat... run... Kenny's... waiting._"

* * *

Kyle rushed through everything, making a run for Kenny's house. When he got there, Kenny's mother opened the door, surprised to see him.

"Kyle? What brings you here?"  
"I... Didn't he...?"  
"What?"  
"I-I mean, I'm here to see Kenny."  
"Sure... He's upstairs, in his room."  
"Thanks."

"_I guess he really hasn't changed... Kenny's always been very secretive. Maybe there's still hope._"

Kyle found Kenny still pacing around in his room, clearly distressed and worried about something. His first instinct was to rush to his side, but he decided to knock loudly instead and let Kenny decide.

"Oh... Hey, Kyle."  
"Hey. Sorry it took so long. I've been... kinda tired."  
"It's OK... I've been thinking a lot about... what you're doing. I think you're done."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean... I think you should go."  
"What? Why?"  
"...Close the door."  
"OK... Now what?"  
"Kyle, why do you think I want- want**ed** you here?"  
"You... need my help."  
"No. I wanted you here because... I wanted to screw with you."

Kyle suddenly went silent, prompting Kenny to continue lying to him.

"See these cuts? An accident; nothing more. The one you saw was just... a necessary step to-"  
"Just shut up, Kenny. Just shut the fuck up. What's going on?"  
"I'm telling you what's going on."  
"No. You're giving me some BS story that makes no sense. You tried to kiss me; I felt it. You cried until you couldn't any more; I saw it... What's really going on, Kenny?" Kyle asked worryingly. "Just... trust me."  
"I..."  
"Kenny... Whatever it is, just tell me."

Kenny didn't know what to say. He had expected Kyle to walk out; to leave him alone, as he believed he deserved to be. Yet he was still there, perhaps more convinced than ever to help. Tears formed in his eyes, and Kyle finally knew what had happened. Kenny sat on his bed, crying silently as Kyle approached and sat beside him.

"...It's OK, Kenny."  
"You were gone, and I just... I can't do this without you... Will you forgive me?"  
"There's nothing to forgive, Kenny. I don't blame you. It's not your fault."

Kyle's words, though comforting in a way, felt as hollow as the ones Kenny had been hearing for years from his so-called friends. When Kyle carefully tugged on Kenny's sleeve, to see how bad the damage was, and spoke up about it, Kenny was certain Kyle didn't mean any of it.

"Kenny... Why do you do this to yourself?"

Kenny remained silent, lowering his eyes to avoid answering Kyle's question. When Kyle showed signs of impatience, Kenny decided to deflect the issue.

"...I thought you didn't blame me?"  
"I-I don't. I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong so I can help you."  
"...I can't."  
"Why?"  
"...Because if I do, you'll either leave me forever, or stay forever."  
"...I'm not going to lie to you, Kenny. I can only promise I'll do what I think is right."

"_That's what I'm afraid of._" Kenny thought. "_What's right is you leaving me. I deserve it, after everything I did to you. After... I betrayed you._"

"Please say something."

Kenny slowly lifted his arms, then pulled hard on the strings attached to his hood, covering every bit of his face except his eyes. Kyle could see them clearly, like two dark sapphires glowing behind his hood.

"...I deserve it." Kenny whispered. "I deserve to be hurt."

Kenny's voice was muffled beyond what Kyle could understand clearly, so he asked Kenny to repeat himself. Another muffled whisper made its way to Kyle's ears, just as garbled and incomprehensible as the previous one, until he gently grabbed Kenny's hands and opened his hood. Kenny was crying again, sobbing and trembling. Kyle did the only thing that came to mind and wrapped his arms around Kenny, squeezing him tight. Kenny remained immobile, his sobs and shivers disappearing almost instantly, but his tears never stopped. To Kyle, they felt like icy anvils as they dropped on his right sleeve, cooling his arm even through his thick coat.  
Seeing that Kenny wouldn't stop crying, Kyle decided to open up even more about his feelings toward Kenny and his situation, hoping he could fix him.

"...Please don't cry, Kenny. I hate it when you cry."  
"...Why shouldn't I... hurt myself? I've done horrible things to my friends – to **you**, Kyle. I've..."

"_I've killed people._" Kenny thought. "_Indirectly, sure, but I'm responsible for it anyway. I went along with Cartman's stupid ideas and wound up getting people killed._"

"I'm a bad guy... I deserve it... and there's nobody to do it but me."  
"That's not true..."  
"You said it yourself: I've become worse than Cartman."  
"That's..."  
"It's true, Kyle, that's what it is... It's true, and I know it is."  
"Kenny..."  
"...Can I tell you something, Kyle?"  
"Anything."  
"And you promise not to tell anyone?"  
"Of course."  
"Truth is... When I started hanging out with Clyde... I did it for me. I thought I could be... happy... if I was popular, but... things didn't work out that way. Don't get me wrong – at first it was good, but after a while... It was exhausting. I kept trying to escape from all the people constantly trying to talk to me and asking me to hang out, but I never could... Even at home, I kept getting texts and emails... I even got a few letters, if you can believe it. I couldn't handle it any more. I just wanted to be left alone. I wanted things to go back to the way they were. That's when..."  
"...You started cutting yourself?"  
"Yes. I know it sounds silly, but... I couldn't deal with it. All those people, suddenly trying to be my friends, it just made me think... Nobody cared. That they were all just... Everything they did felt hollow. Every compliment; every smile; every gesture..." Kenny sighed. "Every offer for sex-" he added, to make sure Kyle was still paying attention.  
"What?" Kyle asked, wide-eyed.  
"I knew it wasn't real. They just wanted something from me; something I couldn't give them... Something I didn't have. When the nightmares came, I just took sleeping pills to be able to sleep. Of course, that just made it worse. If it weren't for you, I couldn't sleep without them... And now I'm not sure I can any more."

"_I can't take this." Kyle thought as Kenny continued his speech. "Kenny thinks I hate him, but... truth is... I've never hated him. If I tell him how... how I... feel... about him... maybe... If this isn't just a ruse; if it's not just a trick to get me to do something stupid... But what if it is? Kenny always went to great lengths for a prank. Then again... he looks so sad... I can't take the chance. If I don't tell him right now; if I don't do what I believe is right, then I'll be just like... he pretended to be: worse than Cartman._"

Kyle listened attentively while Kenny's feelings of guilt, despair, and sadness made themselves heard. Kenny spoke of how he had disappointed everyone, though his biggest regret was having disappointed Kyle himself. Kyle believed Kenny's regret over having disappointed him was what finally pushed him over the edge, making him feel the need to punish himself.  
Once Kenny was done, Kyle gave him almost a full minute to recover, then told him what he needed to, if he was to remain truthful to his kind nature.

"...I'm going to help you, Kenny. But first... I have to be honest, like you."  
"You don't have to say anything, Kyle. You don't have to say anything to be able to help me."  
"Just... please, let me say this... When you stood up to Cartman for me, I felt... like you were my protector. My... My guardian angel." Kyle chuckled.

"_Well, that sure changed quickly... You're the one who came to my rescue this time..._"

"...I don't hate you, Kenny. I never did."

"_Kyle..._"

Kyle looked into Kenny's eyes. They had returned to their regular color: sky blue. He stared at them for a long time, while Kenny stared back into his, also examining them. They were dark green, as always, and quite beautiful. They looked like tiny emeralds, cast into perfect green rings with star-like patterns embedded in them. After hearing Kyle's thoughts, Kenny believed with all his heart that Kyle was telling him he loved him. He simply couldn't let the opportunity go by.

"I-I..." Kenny stuttered.  
"...What?"

Kenny leaned forward as quickly as he could, smashing his lips against Kyle's. Kyle was surprised, but he went along with it, placing his hand on Kenny's cheek and prolonging the kiss until he stopped reciprocating, instead hugging him tight. Kenny promptly took off Kyle's hat and played with his puffy and curly red hair, twirling it in his fingers. He then simply placed his hand through it, gently rubbing Kyle's head.  
Kenny's mind was racing almost as quickly as his heart, trying to process all the conflicting emotions without ripping him in two. On one hand, just a few minutes ago, he wanted nothing more than to disappear. Even now, part of him was telling him it was all a lie; that Kyle didn't love him; that he didn't deserve to be loved or cared for. On the other hand, having Kyle there made him happier than he'd been in a long time. Yet he still felt as if he didn't deserve happiness.  
He didn't want to let him go. He wouldn't let him go. Not if he stayed.

"_Kyle, I... I'll always love you._" Kenny thought as he rested his head against Kyle's.

Kenny's heart slowly returned to a normal pace, lulling Kyle to sleep. By the time Kenny realized it, Kyle was lightly snoring.

"_You've been helping me so much... It's no wonder you're so tired. I won't wake you. You deserve to rest. I'd rather you sleep for a few hours instead of helping me than be exhausted when you have personal things to do. You deserve much more than this, but, unfortunately, this is all I can give you._" Kenny thought. "_Besides..._" he added as he looked down. "_You look adorable like this. Well, **more** adorable._"

* * *

Kenny's arm started to hurt from the awkward position, yet he remained still, gently rubbing Kyle's head so as not to wake him up. Eventually, though, Kenny's pain grew to the point where he couldn't stand it any longer.

"_Crap... I have to move, before my arm falls off... I need to put Kyle in my bed without waking him._"

Kenny slowly and carefully removed his hand from Kyle's hair, placing it under his knees, before cautiously lifting him in his arms, turning around, and laying him down on his bed. Kyle stayed asleep throughout the whole procedure, prompting Kenny to sigh in relief while rubbing his shoulder.

"_Finally... Arm still fucking hurts, though... Kyle's heavy, for such a small guy... But it was worth it... **Kyle** is worth it._"

Kenny's eyes were drawn to Kyle. He realized that Kyle was still wearing his somewhat dirty shoes. They would undoubtedly stain his bed all the way down to the mattress. He quickly decided to remove them as gently as possible.

"_Dammit, Kyle... Why did you have to fall asleep with your shoes on?_"

Kenny first tried simply pulling Kyle's shoes off, since everyone he knew always just slid them on, but Kyle was different. Once Kenny lifted Kyle's pants slightly, he realized Kyle actually tied his shoes.

"_Seriously, Kyle? Who the fuck ties his shoes? You're such a nerd..._"

Sighing wearily, Kenny undid Kyle's knots.

"_This feels so wrong... I don't think Kyle would want me to remove his clothes like this, even if it's just his shoes... Done... and without waking him!_"

Kenny looked back at Kyle's sleeping face. He smiled warmly at his snoring friend, enthralled by the way the light bounced off of his silky skin. He couldn't help but approach Kyle and tenderly rub his cheek, taking great care not to wake him.

"_I should go and leave him alone to rest. Lunch is probably ready. But first..._"

Kenny took a spare blanket he had, placing it on Kyle as gently as possible. He then walked toward his bedroom door backwards, so as to take in the sight of Kyle for as long as possible. Once he hit the wall, Kenny's hands roamed it, trying to find and turn the doorknob. As soon as he found it, he opened the door and began to walk out of his room, still facing Kyle.

"_I never thought the first time someone slept in my bed would be like this... Then again, I never thought it'd be Kyle._"

Kenny quietly closed the door, trying to keep Kyle asleep for as long as possible.

"_Sleep well, Kyle. You can stay here for as long as you need or want to._"

* * *

Kenny returned to Kyle's side a few minutes later, after lunch, with a small portion he had set aside for Kyle.

"_Still sleeping... I'll wait._"

Kenny watched in complete silence while Kyle slept peacefully, sometimes moving around slightly in his sleep, prompting Kenny to adjust his blanket every time.

"_Come on, Kyle... Food's getting cold. Never mind, it **is** cold. I'll make you something else. It'll take a while, but I know you'll love it._"

With soft footsteps, Kenny once again backed away from Kyle, left his room, and went into his kitchen. Opening the few cabinets, he gathered an old recipe book, some ingredients, and utensils.

"_Kyle loves cake... I just hope I don't screw up._"

* * *

A few hours later, Kenny returned to his room, yet Kyle was still asleep.

"_Still sleeping... I should call your mom or something. The sun is setting. She's gonna call soon anyway. Now... where's your phone?_"

Kenny searched his desk for Kyle's phone, before his eyes found Kyle, and he realized the obvious.

"_...Shit._"

He slowly approached Kyle, feeling his heart race as he reached out for his friend. No sooner had he started searching Kyle's jacket than Kyle woke up. Kenny's face immediately turned red, as did Kyle's.

"Um... Hey, Kyle."  
"...Hi."  
"I-I was just... searching for your phone."  
"What for?"  
"Since you didn't wake up, I was going to call your mom and ask her if you could spend the night."  
"...OK."

Kyle reached for his pants pocket for his cellphone, while Kenny tried to process what he had said.

"You're, uh... taking it better than I thought."  
"I know you wouldn't try to..."  
"Take advantage of you?"  
"That's one way of putting it." Kyle whispered as he sat on the edge of the bed and dialed.  
"Are you still gonna call your mom and ask her to sleep over?"  
"If that's OK with you, sure."  
"I'd love that!" Kenny yelled thoughtlessly. "I-I mean, um..." Kenny mumbled, trying to retract his statement.  
"Hang on... Hey, mom?"  
"Kyle?"  
"Yeah, it's me."  
"Kyle! Where have you been?! I've been worried sick!"  
"I'm alright... Listen, can I sleep over at a... friend's house?"  
"What?! What ab- ...Fine, Gerald. **You** talk to him."

Kenny had already forgotten how overprotective Kyle's mom was. He sighed, pacing around his room and clutching his head in pain from Sheila's screams.

"_I can only imagine how Kyle feels, having her scream in his ear._"

"...Okay. Alright, dad."

The instant Kyle turned off his phone, Kenny asked the only question on his mind.

"So? Can you stay here?"  
"...I'm sorry, Kenny. Dad says I have to go home."  
"Oh..."  
"I can... come back tomorrow."  
"I'd lo... like that."  
"OK... I'm gonna leave now, alright?"  
"Alright."

Kyle finally got up, nearly tripping over his own shoes.

"Uh, Kenny?"  
"Yeah?"  
"...Why am I not wearing shoes?"  
"You wear shoes to bed?  
"No, but..."  
"...I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Kyle. I'm sorry."  
"It's OK, I guess..."

Kyle tied his shoes without looking at Kenny, as he knew their were both blushing, though for different reasons. Before he left, Kyle whispered a message to Kenny.

"...I'll be back tomorrow."

Kenny was confused by Kyle's apparent change of heart. Before, he shared his feelings openly, going so far as to kiss him, but now, his voice was toneless, his face was blank, and his movements were almost machine-like.

"_Was it something I did?_" Kenny thought. "_Hey, what about the cake?_"

"W-Wait!"  
"What?" Kyle asked coldly.  
"I-I, um... I... I made you some cake. Can you just... stay a few minutes longer?"  
"...Sure."

Kenny presented his small offering to Kyle, who slowly accepted it. He didn't seem like himself. To Kenny, it was frightening. Had he done something to make Kyle angry? Would he leave him alone, like in his nightmares? He had to find out before anything happened.

"Kyle... Are you alright? I'm sorry about-"  
"I'm just tired, Kenny." Kyle interjected, almost angrily. "I'm just tired..." he repeated in a low voice.

Kyle finished eating in silence. Even his chewing was slow and steady, devoid of any sound. Kenny was on the verge of tears – not knowing what was going on in Kyle's head was worse than knowing what he was thinking. Once Kyle was done eating, Kenny hugged him, hoping to prompt a response of some kind. Even anger would have been welcome. For what seemed like eternity, Kyle remained immobile, breathing steadily and blinking lazily. After almost a full minute, however, he finally moved, awkwardly getting his arms around Kenny too, unknowingly resting his head against his friend's hurt shoulder. Kenny did his best to suppress his response to the sudden jolt of pain, instead squeezing Kyle tighter. After less than a handful of seconds, Kyle let go, gently patting Kenny's back.

"...I have to go, Kenny."  
"W-Will you be back?"  
"...Yes." Kyle replied with a smile. "I'll be back tomorrow, Kenny. Don't worry."

Kyle once again stopped before leaving Kenny's room, turning his head slightly to leave a final message for the day.

"...Thanks for the cake, Kenny."

* * *

As soon as Kyle was out Kenny's front door, he was overwhelmed with regret. A single thought consumed him as he stared at the ground in disbelief.

"_...What the fuck did I just do? Kenny was... I was just trying to tell him I still considered him a friend, and he... Why didn't I stop him? Why did I help him? I told him I didn't hate him, and it's true. I've never hated him. But why? Why don't I hate him? When I told him he'd become worse than Cartman, it was how I felt. Yet, even then, I didn't hate him. It's not that I can't hate – I hate that fat asshole – so why don't I hate Kenny? When he kissed me, it felt... right. It felt like... like I'd been waiting for that – wanting it – my whole life. Like I wanted... him._"

Kyle looked around, trying to find any evidence that Kenny's new friends were around.

"_If this were a trick, they'd have pounced by now. If it's not, I... I need to know if... If there's even a chance at happiness, as a sentient being, it's my duty to seek it out._"

Kyle hesitantly knocked on Kenny's door, prompting him to open it as quickly as possible. Kyle's eyes didn't leave the ground, even as Kenny gently put his hand on his arm. Kyle took Kenny's hand, pulling him outside while closing the door behind him.

"Kenny... What happened... I didn't mean to..."

"_No._" Kenny thought. "_He can't do this to me. He can't. I can't do it if he's not here, with me. I can't do it without him. I can't..._"

Kenny was on the verge of a full-blown panic attack, until he heard Kyle's question.

"...Do you think things can work between us? I mean, I'm... I get angry pretty easily, and I... I can't... deal with my feelings very well. I keep them bottled up, I... I keep thinking and thinking and thinking, trying to tire my brain so I can't feel anything, I ramble on and on about-"

Kyle's thoughts were interrupted when Kenny gently lifted his chin, making their eyes meet.

"It **can** work." Kenny replied. "It **has** to work. It **will** work."  
"What makes you so sure?"  
"...Because I love you." Kenny simply stated.  
"I-I..." Kyle mumbled.  
"I love you, Kyle Broflovski." Kenny repeated.

Kyle's face turned bright red from hearing Kenny's confession. He didn't expect Kenny to be so blunt, but it only served to further his doubts.

"I've never met anyone like you. If anyone else went through what you go through, they'd have... checked out by now, but... you don't. Y-..."  
"...What?"  
"You're the most amazing person I've ever met."

Had Kenny said what he did a few years ago, Kyle would have accepted it without hesitation. However, having seen everything Kenny did and heard everything he said, each compliment felt like a trap. Kenny noticed it too – although Kyle was blushing more than anyone he'd seen, he was also highly suspicious of Kenny. When he tried putting his hand on Kyle's cheek and Kyle shakingly moved away, it was all the proof he needed.

"...You don't believe me, do you?"  
"Kenny, I... I'm sorry. Like I said, I'm not very good with... feelings. After spending so much time with you, I should trust you, but..."  
"...I understand."  
"I really need to go, Kenny. I'll be back tomorrow. Just... try to keep it together until then, alright?"  
"OK..."

Kyle lowered his head for a few moments, reviewing the entire day in his head. He had fallen asleep after kissing Kenny, who then carefully placed him on his bed, even going so far as to put a blanket on him. He had done nothing that indicated it was a trap, yet his gut kept telling him it was.

"_If it is a trap, I've already fallen in it when I kissed him back... So screw it._"

Before leaving, Kyle kissed Kenny's cheek, as a way to help keep him from doing anything stupid. Kenny smiled, almost shedding tears of joy, then hugged Kyle tight. Kyle once again heard Kenny's heart racing as his head was pressed against his chest, planting seeds of doubt in his mind.

"_This could just be excitement over screwing with me, but..._"

"I'll be back tomorrow, promise."  
"...Thank you, Kyle."

* * *

Kenny lain in his bed, unable to sleep. Unlike every other night he couldn't sleep, though, this time, it was mostly from happiness. He thought about Kyle kissing him, with a smile as wide as his face allowed, almost giggling from excitement. However, there was still doubt on his mind. If Kyle himself didn't know if he could be trusted, how could he ever hope to be closer to him? Even if Kyle's feelings matched or surpassed Kenny's own, if they didn't trust each other, they couldn't trust that they felt the same way toward one another.

"_If he doesn't trust me, then we can never be together... Can we?_"

Kenny felt the darkness encroaching once again, trying to crush him under its weight. Just when he was about to give in, he gathered what little strength he had left and fought back.

"_...No. If he doesn't trust me, then I have to make him trust me. I have to prove that I can be trusted, so that we can be together... And I think I know how to do that. I was saving it for later, but... I don't have a choice._"

* * *

**AN: I absolutely despise dancing. I disliked it before I learned it, and I disliked it after learning it. Now I've forgotten most of it. As such, this part will lack descriptions of their movements.**

* * *

The following day, Kyle showed up much earlier, with a large bag. Kenny was already up, much to his surprise. He was also curious about the bag's contents, but Kyle told him to wait until they were in his room. There, Kyle pulled out a CD case with songs Kenny had never heard of.

"...You said you wanted to learn how to dance, right? Can't dance without music... Well, you can, but it'd look ridiculous."  
"A-Are you gonna teach me?"  
"...Yeah."  
"...Thanks, Kyle."

Kyle inserted the CD into Kenny's computer, picked a song, and lowered the volume so nobody outside Kenny's room could hear.

"Alright, now... just... um... put your hand on my waist, and..."  
"Like this?"  
"...A-A little higher." Kyle said with his eyes closed from embarrassment.  
"Oh, uh... sorry... This OK?"  
"Yeah. Now... grab my hand, like this."  
"S-Sure."

Kenny was extremely nervous, sweat was pouring from his palms, almost dripping on the ground. As soon as their hands touched and he felt how sweaty Kenny's hands were, Kyle shook slightly, but decided not to say anything. He too was anxious, though not enough to make him sweat as much as Kenny. He could still feel droplets gathering on his neck, though, trying to resist the urge to wipe them away.

* * *

The song Kyle had picked was only three minutes long, but it felt like an eternity to them, mostly because Kenny tripped five times and almost stepped on Kyle's toes two more. When it was over, they were exhausted and had to rest. As they sat on Kenny's bed, Kenny was overwhelmed with the desire to find out how Kyle felt.

"_You can do this, Kenny..._"

"Kyle?"  
"Yeah?"  
"...Do you love me?"  
"W-What?"  
"I told you I loved you, but... you didn't say anything. You didn't even believe it."

Kyle remained silent, trying to figure out what to say.

"...I just need to know if you and I feel the same way toward each other. I need to know... that I'm not deluding myself into thinking we can be together."

Kyle took Kenny's hand, spreading his fingers wide to interlock them with Kenny's.

"...You're not deluding yourself, Kenny."  
"So... do you love me?"  
"I... I don't know."  
"H-How can you not know?"  
"...I fell in love with you years ago. Then you... were a dick for a long time. I tried to hang on to it, I really did. I made excuses for you, but I started to think the Kenny I liked was gone. When I said you'd become worse than Cartman, that was it... It was gone."  
"And now?"  
"...I want to be with you, Kenny." Kyle said while squeezing Kenny's hand. "But first I need to be sure if..."  
"If you love me." Kenny concluded.  
"Yes." Kyle sighed. "I know it sounds strange, but... I dunno; it's just how I feel."

"_I understand. If you'd done the same thing to me, I'd never forgive you. And you still helped me, like you always have... You really are the most amazing person I've ever met._"

"...For what it's worth, I'm sorry for what I did to you, Kyle."

"_I know, Kenny._" Kyle thought. "_But it's not enough._"

"...I'm hungry. You want a sandwich? I made some for us."  
"Y-Yeah, sure."

To avoid talking to Kenny any more, Kyle took a bite before he had given Kenny a sandwich, chewing loudly to drown out any mumbling Kenny might try to muster. Kenny realized Kyle didn't want to discuss things, so he quietly ate his sandwich without saying another word.

* * *

Once they were done with their snack, Kyle picked a different song – one with a somewhat slower pace – and resumed his lesson. Kenny's hands were much less sweaty now, yet Kyle had become a lot more nervous. His eyes skirted around Kenny; every time they crossed the threshold and he stared directly at Kenny, his pupils dilated visibly, his breathing became erratic, and he shook slightly. Kenny, on the other hand, couldn't keep his eyes off of Kyle. He wasn't even paying attention to the music any more; he simply copied Kyle's every movement while staring intently into his eyes.

"_I was surprised when Kyle said he was gay, but I guess it should be expected. He's never had a girlfriend, but he could very well have any girl he wanted. With those eyes and that cute smile, he could probably have any guy he wanted too... I wonder if that's why Cartman was always picking on him. Maybe he couldn't admit it to himself that he was attracted to Kyle... but I can._"

When the song ended, Kenny slowly placed his hand on Kyle's cheek, making him shiver.

"_Dammit, Kenny..._" Kyle thought."_Don't do what I think you want to do. I need to focus._"

As if he had read Kyle's mind, Kenny's hand was quickly withdrawn, prompting Kyle to sigh softly in relief, while realizing something: Kenny had power over him that nobody else did. Every touch, every compliment, every time their eyes met – it all sent Kyle's brain flying out the window. He could have pulled away from Kenny's hand if he had wanted to. He could have even avoided having Kenny's hand on his cheek if he had wanted to. He could have simply said "No", and Kenny would have understood what he meant. But he didn't. He couldn't.  
When Kenny was searching his jacket for his phone, even though he was asleep and still wearing it, he should have been upset. Had it been anyone else, he would've knocked them out with a single punch while screaming bloody murder. But not with Kenny.

"_He makes me feel... so... strange._"

Kenny gently tapped Kyle's nose, making him giggle and blush.

"What's on your mind?"  
"Just... stuff." Kyle replied with a smile.

"_Mostly you... and your invitation to the prom._"

"So... how long can you stay tonight?"  
"Well, I... convinced my dad to convince my mom to let me have dinner here, if it comes to that."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah... assuming she doesn't change her mind at the last minute."  
"Then let's hope she doesn't... Wanna resume the lesson?"  
"Sure, but let's try something simpler. I think I'm pushing you too much."  
"N-No, I like... I-I mean, I think-" Kenny stuttered while waving his hands around.  
"Kenny..." Kyle interrupted, grabbing Kenny's hands to calm him down. "Relax. I know. It's just until you get it right... It's how I was taught too, you know... First the basic moves, then add music. Come on. Stand next to me and do what I do."  
"Alright..."

Kenny did his best to copy Kyle's movements, but he was simply too clumsy. Kyle progressively slowed down, until Kenny was able to keep up with him. Kenny was embarrassed, but Kyle reassured him it was normal. After a few more songs, the boys heard Kenny's mom telling everyone to get lunch.

"I'll bring the food here; whaddya say?" Kenny said.  
"...Sure."  
"Alright. I'll be back in a minute."

Kenny gently kissed Kyle's forehead, eliciting a shy smile from the redhead. As soon as he was out the door, however, Kyle closed the door behind him and reached for his bag, staring intently at its contents.

"_...I brought this for a reason... I just hope I'm not making a big mistake._"

* * *

When Kenny returned, he saw his bedroom door closed, but didn't think much of it. Slowly kicking the door to announce his presence, he waited while Kyle opened it. After several seconds, the knob was turned, and Kenny's eyes widened. Kyle had changed into a tuxedo, though he didn't understand why.

"I-I thought... since you... asked... you should get to see me in it first."

Kenny remained silent, trying to process what Kyle had just said.

"_He... he just said yes. He fucking said yes!_"

"...You think I look stupid, don't you?" Kyle asked shyly while staring at the floor. "I knew this was a bad idea..."

Kyle was so nervous he didn't realize Kenny had already closed the door, put the plates he was carrying on his desk, and approached him. Kyle's thoughts melted away the moment Kenny's hand once again found its way to his cheek, rubbing it gently.

"Not at all." Kenny replied, eyes glued to Kyle. "...I think you look beautiful."

Kyle blushed, sheepishly raising his head, and was met with Kenny's warm smile. He didn't know what to say until Kenny continued.

"I wish I had one of those myself, but... They're too expensive."  
"...You don't need one." Kyle whispered. "You're... You're always... I-I mean, you always look... p-pretty."

Kenny leaned down, tenderly kissing Kyle. Kyle shivered slightly, though Kenny didn't understand why.

"...So do you." Kenny said.

Kyle lowered his head somewhat, trying to keep Kenny from seeing him blush more. However, Kenny could still see his smile widening.

"_You're so adorable..._"

"You hungry?"  
"Y-Yeah..."  
"Good, because the food's getting cold."

Kenny pulled Kyle a chair so they could both sit at his desk. Kyle sat next to Kenny, trying to move closer to him discreetly.

"What's that?"  
"Um... My mom threw a bunch of stuff in a pan and cooked it."  
"Oh."  
"It's good; don't worry... It's also kosher, if it matters." Kenny reassured Kyle. "Here." he added, holding a fork with some of the mixture on it.

Kyle took a cautious bite, much to Kenny's amusement. He could clearly identify mushrooms, some meat, a few spices, but the rest was a mystery. Like Kenny had said, though, Kyle liked it – a lot more than Kenny expected. Without saying another word, Kyle took the fork from Kenny's hand and ate as quickly as he could.

"_Wow. Most people don't even take a first bite..._" Kenny thought as he started to eat."_It does kinda look like vomit, but it's really good._"

Kyle was done before Kenny had finished even half his plate. Kenny stared at Kyle all throughout it – he had never seen anyone eat anything so quickly – and realized he was still hungry.

"Um... You want some more?"

"_God yes._" Kyle thought. "_But I know your family isn't exactly rich, and I can't accept any more._"

"I-I'm good, Kenny, thanks."  
"If you say so..." Kenny replied.

Once Kenny was finished as well, he took the dishes downstairs, leaving Kyle on his own again. A few seconds later, there was a knock on the door.

"Back so quickly?"

When the door finally opened, Kyle realized it wasn't Kenny, but Karen, who had been knocking.

"Hey, Kyle."  
"Hey, Karen."  
"You weren't even going to say hello if I hadn't come here?"  
"I-I..."  
"Kenny didn't say anything either... What's up with you two?"  
"W-What?"

Kyle's cheeks turned red once again, confirming Karen's suspicions – her brother and Kyle were no longer just friends.

"...I'm glad you two are together. You make my brother happy, Kyle... Happier than he's been in a long time."  
"...Does he talk to you about me? What does he say?"  
"He says... He says you're an amazing person, and that he cares about you very much."

Kenny was already on his way back, but, hearing Karen and Kyle talk, he slowed down and tried to listen to their conversation.

"Do you care about him too, Kyle?"  
"Of course... but that's not enough for him... He... He asked me if I loved him."  
"And do you?"  
"...I don't know."  
"Well, he does. A lot... You should see the way he talks about you. Nothing else is going on under that blond hair of his; he just goes on and on and on... Kinda annoying sometimes, to tell you the truth... And I think you know you love him, even if you don't say it. You wouldn't be here if you didn't."

"_Karen has a point._" Kenny thought as he smiled.

"...Even if I tell him I love him, I can't... be sure he does too. After everything he's said and done, all the lies... I can't love him if I don't trust him."

"_Kyle... I do love you._"

"Do you trust **me**?"  
"What?"  
"I know my brother. I know him better than you, better than Stan, better than all your friends. He's taken care of me since I was a little girl... He's not the smartest guy around, but he has a good heart. What he did... He's been miserable about it since day one."  
"...Do you really think he...?"  
"I know he does. The high point of his day is seeing you. If he doesn't get to see you, he just stays in his room... I'm pretty sure he's crying in here most of the time."

Kyle lowered his head, thinking about what Karen had told him.

"...I'll leave you to your thoughts."

"_Shit, shit, shit!_" Kenny thought. "_I gotta make sure I'm not seen. Hide, gotta hide... She's almost at the door!_"

"Wait!"  
"What?"

"_Perfect!_"

While Kenny rushed downstairs as quietly as possible, Kyle asked one last question.

"...Do you think he's the kind of guy to stay with one person forever? He has a reputation for..."  
"He is that kind of guy, but I'm not psychic. I don't know what'll happen."

Kenny slowly climbed up the stairs again, this time making sure he was heard.

"Why don't you ask him yourself? He's coming this way."  
"Karen, wait-" Kyle whispered.  
"Hey, Karen."  
"Hey, Kenny."

The trio stood for a while, glancing awkwardly at each other, until Kenny spoke up.

"Do you mind? Kyle and I have stuff to do."

"_...I was hoping to hear how this goes, but OK._"

"Yeah, sure."  
"Thanks... Close the door on your way out."  
"Alright."

Karen reluctantly walked out the door, slowly closing it while motioning "Good luck" to Kyle.

"So, uh... You wanna keep going?"  
"S-Sure."

* * *

Kyle continued to teach Kenny everything he knew for several hours. Kenny was much more focused; within an hour, they were once again dancing with each other, rather than Kyle simply showing him the proper moves. However, Kyle barely raised his head. Unlike Kenny, Kyle's mind was elsewhere. All he could think about was what Karen had told him. If she was right – if he really did love her brother, and if her brother really loved **him** – then the only thing he needed to do – the only thing he **had** to do – was be honest. On the other hand, if she was wrong about either thing, then he could make things worse.  
Kyle felt gentle tugs on his arm, finally locking eyes with a concerned Kenny.

"What's wrong?" Kenny asked. "You've been quiet for a while. Was it something Karen said?"  
"...She just..."  
"...I know what'll get your mind off of it."  
"What?"  
"I wanted to keep it a secret, but..." Kenny said as he pulled out a small box from under his bed and handed it to Kyle.  
"What's that?"  
"I... made you this. I-If you're serious about the prom, I want everyone to know I was the one who invited you... I-I want everyone to know I love you... All you have to do is wear this on your tuxedo."

Kyle opened the small box. In it was a single, perfectly preserved, orange rose. Its thorns had been carefully filed down so only the stem remained, undamaged. Kyle didn't know much about flowers, but he did know orange roses were rarer than almost any other color.

"I-I can get another one before the dance; I just wanted t-to show you-"  
"Where did you get this? These are..."  
"I-I wanted to get you a real one, but they were... expensive. Growing one would take too long, s-so I... painted one..."

"_He's right._" Kyle thought. "_I couldn't see it before, but... this is definitely paint._"

"I-I know it's not the same, but-"

Hearing Kenny's insecurity, Kyle placed his hand on his cheek, rubbing it gently.

"...It's beautiful."

Kyle slowly pulled Kenny closer, kissing him briefly.

"...Thank you, Kenny."

Kenny's smile was only matched in intensity by Kyle's sudden epiphany. He had only seen Kenny smile from ear to ear on two occasions: when he was high, and when he was in love. He was fairly certain Kenny wasn't taking any drugs – at the very least not enough to get him high – so only one option remained.

"_...Karen's right. There's no way he'd smile that much if he didn't like me. He went through the trouble of painting this rose for me, of taking out the thorns... I don't know why I can't just... Every time I think I can trust him... all the bad things he's done... When will it be enough for me to forgive him? Will anything be enough for me to forgive him? Does it even matter? I mean, I don't... resent him. I'm still a little mad, sure, but... Dammit, I wish he didn't look at me like that. It's like he's just waiting for me to say I love him._"

Kyle was right. Kenny had been silent during his inner monologue because he knew what was on his mind. He knew Kyle was thinking about what Karen had told him, examining Kenny's actions, trying to see if Karen was telling the truth. His concerned expression almost completely overshadowed his hopefulness, leaving only a trace of his previous smile.

"_I need to hear it from him. I need to hear why he's doing this._"

"Kenny?"  
"Yeah?"  
"...Why are you giving this to me? I mean, a-are you trying to prove something?"  
"...Yes. I know you don't trust me. I thought... if I could just... give you something – something with meaning – I could prove it to you... Prove that I love you."  
"That's not something you can prove, Kenny... Not like this."  
"I just..." Kenny sobbed. "I-I don't think we can be together... i-if you don't trust me." he admitted, tears forming in his eyes. "I can't do that, do you understand? I can't..."

Kyle hugged Kenny as gently as possible, so neither of them would have to see the other cry.

"...I'm sorry, Kyle. I know you don't like it when... I-I didn't mean to-"  
"It's not your fault, Kenny."

Kenny slowly put his arms around Kyle, resting his head against Kyle's. Kyle felt warm droplets falling on him, yet he said nothing. He knew Kenny could feel a small, warm, damp spot on his clothing as well, and he knew they couldn't stand to look at each other in their current state. Just knowing Kenny was sad was enough to bring tears to Kyle's eyes, and Kenny couldn't stand knowing Kyle didn't trust him. Even though he knew Kyle loved him, it wasn't enough. He needed to hear it from him. He needed to know Kyle trusted him enough to say it, so he could be sure they could be together.

"_I've never seen Kenny so... vulnerable... Every time he's with me, he's happy until I tell him those hurtful things... I can't stand seeing him like this. Even if I'm not 100% sure... I have to tell him._"

Kyle, realizing how much he was hurting Kenny, whispered the words Kenny wanted to hear into his chest.

"...I love you, Kenny." Kyle said softly. "...And I'm sorry I hurt you."

Kenny's tears slowed, finally coming to a standstill several seconds later. He squeezed Kyle tighter in his arms, sobbing softly into his hair. Kyle continued, trying to calm down Kenny.

"I'm so sorry, Kenny... You've been... You've done nothing to make me doubt you, but... I..."  
"...You don't have to say anything. I know I was... I don't blame you."  
"Listen..." Kyle said, patting Kenny's back. "If I go... with you... I need to... talk to Butters first."  
"Why?"  
"...He thinks... I-I mean, he doesn't know about... this."  
"So?"  
"...I can't keep lying to him. He's already... pretty pissed. If he sees me with you, he won't give me time to explain... He's just gonna leave."  
"...I understand."  
"What about you? How do you think... Clyde's going to react?"  
"I've spent several years caring about what he thinks. He may not be a psycho like Cartman, but he's definitely an asshole..." Kenny whispered. "If he so much as... I'm going to kick his ass." he added angrily.  
"Don't..." Kyle whispered. "I know he's an asshole, but I don't want you to do something you'll regret."  
"Hey." Kenny said, releasing Kyle and looking into his eyes. "I'd never regret standing up for you... I didn't regret it with Cartman, and I wouldn't regret it now."  
"...I don't want you to hurt him, alright? Promise me you won't hurt him."

Kenny knew he couldn't keep such a promise, but he was sure he needed to promise it, if only for Kyle to relax.

"I promise... for you."  
"...Thank you."

Kyle wasn't entirely convinced Kenny meant it, but he believed Kenny would keep his word, even if he didn't want to.

"I need to call Butters, alright?"  
"You want me to... leave for a few minutes?"  
"You can stay... Just... don't say anything."  
"...OK."

While Kyle dialed his phone, Kenny wondered why he wanted him to remain quiet. Was Kyle going to lie to Butters? If so, why do it in front of him? Did he just not want to explain what they were doing together? If so, what was he even going to say?

"Hey, Butters... Listen, I... I have something to tell you... No, not that... Because I know **you** don't!"

"_What the hell are they talking about?_" Kenny thought. "_Kyle's blushing almost as much as when I told him he looked pretty with that tuxedo._"

"Just shut up and just listen! It's... It's about Kenny... Yes, him... I think... I mean... he... told me he loves me."  
"What?!"

"_Jeez, Butters! Even I could hear that._"

"He told me that because... I've been spending time with him... I'm sorry, Butters. I should've told you."

"_You shouldn't apologize for not telling him, Kyle. You don't owe him anything, and he doesn't own you._"

"Listen, he asked me to be his prom date... Yes, really... I said I'd go with him... Because... Because I like him, alright? You were right. I... like him."

The crushing silence that followed Kyle's confession was only matched in magnitude when Butters told Kyle what he had been telling him for years, only much more condensed and much faster. When he started stuttering uncontrollably, Kyle seized the opportunity and interrupted him.

"He's still Kenny, Butters... We were wrong about him... Look, just... let's talk. In person. Alright?... Sure. I'll meet you there."  
"What did he say?" Kenny asked impatiently.  
"He's pretty pissed, but... I think he misses you."  
"What makes you say that?"  
"...Because we all missed you, Kenny. The moment you left, everything fell apart. Stan went off on another one of his mood swings and has been stuck there since, and Butters... Well, you know how Butters is. He tries to act tough, but deep down he's the same little kid who was too scared to swear, even around his friends."  
"...I'm sorry, Kyle."  
"I'm sorry too... because I have to go now."  
"What? Why?"  
"I have to go meet Butters."  
"Oh... alright..." Kenny replied weakly.

Kenny lowered his eyes in sadness, mumbling incomprehensibly to himself while shaking, prompting Kyle to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I'll always be back, Kenny. I won't leave you alone."  
"I-I know, but... I guess I got a little too used to having you around."  
"...I can stay a few more minutes if you'd like. It's not far where I'm going, and I can always run for a bit."  
"Yeah... I-I mean, no... I... I don't want you to have to run just to spend more time with me."  
"...It's just running, Kenny, I think I can handle it." Kyle laughed. "I can stay if you want me to."  
"Always."  
"OK... Five minutes. I'll leave in five minutes. I'll call you after I meet Butters, but I'm going home afterward, alright?"  
"Alright... Thank you."  
"I just have to change before I go."

* * *

Five minutes later, Butters was already at the agreed meeting spot – the abandoned City Wok – yet Kyle was nowhere to be seen. He waited for a long time, trying to figure out what to tell him.

"_Kenny's just fucking with him. Gotta be. It's some kind of trick... Dammit, where is he? Don't tell me he's with... Then why did he call, if he was there? Was it his idea, or Kenny's? I guess I'll ask him that first._"

"Butters!"  
"Hey, Kyle."  
"Sorry about the delay. I was, uh..."  
"With Kenny?"  
"...Yeah."  
"You called me when you were with him?"  
"Yeah. Why?"  
"...Was it your idea, or his?"  
"Why would it be his?"  
"Just answer the question, Kyle."  
"It was mine. I wanted to let you know-"  
"That you've been lying to me."  
"...I'm sorry, Butters."  
"So now what? Why do you want me there?"  
"I know I can't convince you I'm right just by saying I'm right. Even if I told you what I'd seen, you might think I was lying."  
"Whatever gave you **that** idea? It's not like you've been lying to me for... a long time."  
"I wanted to tell you, Butters."  
"Is that why you ran away when I confronted you about it?"  
"I-I was scared, alright?!" Kyle admitted with tears in his eyes.  
"...Scared of what?"

Kyle's unwilling tears managed to calm Butters down somewhat, but only because he knew he was about to get the truth.

"...I was scared I was wrong about him." Kyle replied, wiping away his tears. "And... I was afraid you'd stop being my friend if you found out. Because... if you were right... If he was fucking with me... then I'd be all alone."  
"...I'm not gonna stop being your friend just for that, Kyle. We're not in third grade any more. What I said... I was just so angry that you didn't trust me that I just... I didn't mean it. I mean, I **did** mean it in a way – I don't want you to lie to me – but I didn't mean I'd stop being your friend or anything like that... I always thought you trusted me, but you didn't. That's why I was – why I **am** – angry. I don't have to like everything you do to be your friend, Kyle... But you need to start trusting me, alright?"  
"Y-Yeah."  
"...Is there something else you wanted to tell me?"  
"I was just wondering... A-Are you gonna show up... at the prom?"  
"...I'll think about it."  
"Thanks."  
"Are you going home now?"  
"I... just have to make a call first."  
"Kenny?"  
"...Yeah... Can you keep a secret?"  
"Sure."

With a sigh, Kyle explained what had happened the first time he went to Kenny's house, and all the subsequent "events", as he called them. Butters was highly skeptical of his story, but he didn't let it show.

"Kyle, I understand why you did it, but... Are you sure-"  
"I'm sure, Butters. Karen told me: he's... not doing well. Even now, with me visiting him every day... Karen told me he stays in his room, crying, when I'm not there."  
"I'd like to believe that, but I can't trust him."  
"...Then come to the prom. He'll prove you wrong."  
"...Fine. But if he doesn't, I'll be there to tell you 'I told you so'."  
"And if he does?"  
"...Then I'll apologize to you."  
"And...?"  
"And Kenny." Butters sighed. "Now... I have to get home. You coming?"  
"I... have to call him first."  
"You can't walk and talk?"  
"I-It's private..."  
"Pillow talk, huh? Well, I'll leave you alone then."

Kyle mumbled incomprehensibly, much to Butters' amusement. As soon as he was out of hearing range, Kyle pulled out his cellphone and quickly dialed Kenny's number. In less than a second, Kenny had already picked up the phone.

"Kyle?"

"_Jeez, Kenny... Were you just staring at the phone, waiting for me to call?_"

"Y-Yeah, it's me."  
"What did Butters say?"  
"He's... still upset."  
"...I'm sorry, Kyle. It's all my fault."  
"Don't say that. Butters got angry because of what **I** did."  
"...Which you had to do because of what **I** did."  
"Kenny, not everything's your fault. Butters was already tense with... how I felt... about you. The fact that I lied to him just made him more upset. Trust me; it's not your fault."  
"...Are you sure?"  
"I wouldn't lie to you, Kenny."

Kenny remained silent, his breathing calm and steady. Kyle was scared he was about to do something stupid, until he heard his reply.

"I know... Thank you, Kyle. Thank you for trusting me... and for being my friend."  
"I'll see you tomorrow, alright? I gotta go home now."  
"Alright... Oh, and, uh... don't worry about it, alright?"  
"...Worry about what?"  
"...The rose."  
"Oh."  
"I know it's not gonna last until the prom, but I have more."

Kyle smiled to himself, blushing slightly from Kenny's attitude.

"_He's so sweet..._"

"So, um... I-I won't keep you any longer."  
"W-Wait!"  
"What?"

"_Come on, Kyle, say it... You know he wants to hear it, and it's what people do._"

"Um... I love you."  
"...I love you too, Kyle."

Kyle could tell Kenny was smiling on the other end of the phone, but that didn't do anything to keep both of them from blushing. Hesitantly, Kyle finally hung up and headed home.

* * *

Before going home, Kyle had one last stop to make. Something he had hoped for years now seemed possible, and he couldn't afford to let the chance to get it pass him by.

"_OK, Kyle... You can do this... Just... knock on his door and go from there._"

Shakingly, Kyle knocked a few times. His heart was racing almost as much as when he had told Kenny how he felt, his mouth was dry, and his breathing was almost out of control. It only got worse when Stan finally opened the door, staring into Kyle's emerald eyes with a confused expression on his face.

"H-Hi, Stan."  
"'Sup, dude?"  
"Everything's fine, I guess..."  
"...So, um... did you... come here for anything, or...?"  
"Y-Yeah, sorry... Um... L-Listen... I... I-I mean, Kenny... he's not..."  
"...What?"  
"He's... not what we thought."  
"OK...?"  
"I-I was wondering if... W-We could... um... get the old gang back together."

"_So that's what this is about..._"

"Kyle, listen-"  
"I-I know you probably think I'm wrong, but-"  
"Can I finish what I was saying?"  
"S-Sorry..." Kyle replied sheepishly.  
"Like I was saying... I... didn't leave because Kenny left. I left because I wanted to."  
"W-Why?"  
"I was... just tired. I was tired of hearing you whine about Kenny, I was tired of hearing Butters trying to convince you you were wrong, and I was tired of Butters whining to me about you."  
"I thought..."  
"That's the problem, isn't it? You thought what you did, and you didn't even ask me what **I** thought; what **I** felt; why **I** did what I did... I like you, Kyle, I think you're a great guy, but you can be very self-centered sometimes."  
"...I'm sorry, Stan. I know I can be... arrogant, even if I don't see it right away. I just... I wanted us back together again, like before."  
"But not Cartman."  
"God no. Well, only if it was to see Kenny hit him again." Kyle said, earning a chuckle from Stan. "But... if you don't want to get the group back together... will you at least come to the prom?"  
"Um... When I said I liked you, I meant as a friend. I'm not sure-"  
"Not **with** me; **for** me! Jeez, you're worse than Butters... At least **he** does it on purpose."  
"What?"  
"...Kenny invited me, and I said yes."  
"So why do you want **me** there?"  
"To... show your support... or whatever."

Stan stared questioningly at Kyle, forcing him to reveal the truth.

"...I thought... if you saw Kenny; if you realized he's still the same, maybe... you'd change your mind about getting the group back together."  
"...So you were trying to manipulate me."  
"No! I mean... I don't know... I just want things to go back to normal between us, OK? I want... I want everything to go back to the way it was."  
"...Things were never normal between us, Kyle. We've done things kids our age weren't supposed to do. We've seen some pretty messed up shit before we were even ten years old... We were never normal. Maybe it's this town, or even this country, but we were never normal... Cartman gave you AIDS, and you still hung out with him afterward. He straight-up murdered his half-brother's family, and instead of calling the cops, we called him a friend. He summoned Cthulhu, trying to end the world, you and I joined a cult, Kenny was always insisting he couldn't die, I found some kind of evil, Satanic creatures in the woods and wound up helping them... Now, the worst I have to worry about is how I'm going to quit smoking. I may be fucked up, but I'm much better now than I was hanging with you all the time."

Kyle lowered his head, processing what Stan had told him. He knew Stan was right – they had a messed up childhood – but he still preferred it to any alternative, because he was with his friends.

"_I guess Stan doesn't see it that way..._"

"Look, I'll go because you asked me to, but... I'm not going back to that life."  
"...Thanks, Stan... I should get going now."  
"Alright... Hey, when's the prom, anyway?"  
"Uh... Couple weeks from now, I think?"  
"You know Kenny can't dance for shit, right?"  
"I've been teaching him how."  
"For how long?"  
"...About a day."  
"Oh."  
"It doesn't really matter. I just want him there."  
"If I may ask... Why do you want to do this? Do you need everyone to see you two together? Can't you just... go on with this change, and, if anyone asks, tell them?"  
"...Because **he** wants to."  
"So you're only doing this... because Kenny wants to do this."  
"Look... You have no idea... what he looked like when he asked me to the prom. He was... so happy... If I had said no, he'd do something stupid."  
"So you don't **want** to go."  
"It's not like that... I like spending time with him, you know? If he asked me to go fishing, I'd go with him too... I just want to be with him."

"_If you say so, Kyle._"

"Well, I'll be there... It should be funny, watching Kenny trying to dance."  
"...Thanks, I guess... Listen, I gotta get home. This bag's kinda heavy."  
"I can see that. What's in it, anyway?"  
"Just... some clothes, some music."  
"For Kenny?" Stan asked with a smirk.  
"Not like **that**... but yes."  
"Well, go on then. I wouldn't want you to be caught with that stuff... What would your mom say?"  
"Shut up, Stan..."

Kyle gave Stan a quick hug, prompting his friend to explain something.

"Listen... we can still hang out. I'm just not going to be with you all the time."  
"I know, but... It's just not the same."  
"...I'm sorry."  
"It's OK. I get it... You're right, we were never normal. It's not your fault to want to be normal."

Kyle reluctantly made up his mind to leave, but Stan grabbed his bag before he had the chance to.

"I'll walk you home. Is that OK?"  
"It's... just a few houses up the road."  
"Oh... OK then..." Stan replied, slowly placing Kyle's bag on the ground.  
"N-No, wait... I-I'd like that."  
"Well, let's go then. I don't want to be caught with this stuff either."  
"You're still on that?"  
"Come on, special clothes for your boyfriend? What else am I supposed to say?"  
"He's not-! I-I mean, I guess he is, b-but those are not-"  
"I'm just fucking with you, Kyle. Relax... I don't remember you being wound up so tight when we were kids."  
"...Sorry."  
"Nah, it's OK... Well, we're here."  
"Thanks, Stan... It was nice, walking with you."  
"I'm glad you think so... Now go on home." Stan said, rubbing Kyle's head.  
"H-Hey, stop that!"  
"It's not my fault your hair is so poofy... Does Kenny do this too?"  
"I'm not gonna tell you that! Just... give me the bag."  
"Fine, here, jeez... You're so moody today."  
"And stop that! It's not funny..."  
"Is that why you're blushing?" Stan laughed, slowly realizing something. "...Did you use to have a thing for me too?" he asked honestly.  
"...No." Kyle replied hesitantly.  
"Had to ask. Sorry."  
"Goodbye, Stan. I'll see you at the prom."  
"See ya."

* * *

Every day after school, as well as on the weekends, Kyle helped Kenny hone his skills. The end-result wasn't that good – Kenny lacked any talent whatsoever – but Kyle thought it was good enough to prove Stan wrong.  
Unlike Kenny, Butters met Kyle's expectations. He avoided looking Kyle in the eyes, but, when he did, he always had a disappointed expression on his face. It wasn't so much the lie itself, but the fact he had lied that angered Butters, because it showed Kyle didn't trust him. He resented Kyle for not trusting him, and he resented him even more for preferring to spend time with Kenny, who had hurt him for years, than the one who had been there for him during those years – Butters himself. Kyle couldn't explain it either. All he could do was apologize.

* * *

Finally, the big day arrived. Rumors had already spread about Kenny's date. Who was it? They only knew what Kenny had told them – that it was someone special to him, and that they would be marked by an orange rose he had acquired. Everyone waited inside for his date to arrive, including Stan and Butters, who were talking about Butters' resentment.

"I just don't get it, you know? Why would he do this?"  
"Kyle's... inexperienced. He's never had a boyfriend – or a girlfriend, for that matter. He saw his chance and took it."  
"And lied to us in the process."  
"Like I said, he's never had someone before. He doesn't know how to deal with it."  
"Well, that's no excuse for-"

Meanwhile, just a few feet away from Stan and Butters, Clyde and his group were asking questions about Kenny's mystery date.

"So, who is it?"  
"You'll see." Kenny said with a smile.  
"Say, where'd get an orange rose, anyway?"  
"I, um... I painted it."

The students around Kenny burst out laughing, prompting him to blush slightly.

"Come on, really?"  
"Do you have **any** idea how expensive they are? I'd need to sell everything I own just to get **one**."  
"And, what? She's not worth it?"

"_He is, but..._"

"Hey, look!" one of the students yelled.

As soon as Kyle walked through the door, wearing his tuxedo and the orange rose Kenny had painted him, everyone quieted down. Kenny smiled warmly at him, having almost lost hope he would even show up. Suddenly, Clyde burst out laughing, thinking it to be a cruel prank. Everyone except Butters and San laughed with him, for the same reason.

"Really, Kenny? You shouldn't get his hopes up. Fag looks like he's about to get married or something! Looks like a bride on her wedding day."

Kenny clenched his fists, trying to keep his promise to Kyle, muttering that it wasn't a joke. Although everyone else wondered if it was actually true, Clyde didn't believe him.

"Joke's over, Ken. Any more and I think he'll burst into tears."

Kenny looked at Kyle, quickly realizing Clyde was right. Seeing him about to cry, Kenny was reminded of all the times Cartman had done the same thing to him and snapped. With a swift punch to the stomach, he got Clyde on his knees, much to everyone's surprise. Even Butters, who had only stopped by at Kyle's behest, stared at Kenny and Clyde, slowly coming to believe what Kyle had told him. Stan was amused, holding back a chuckle.

"_Not what I expected, but still funny as hell._"

Clyde wheezed painfully, trying to utter anything intelligible and get back on his feet, but Kenny ignored him, heading toward a trembling Kyle. Kenny could tell Kyle wasn't so much worried about Clyde as he was terrified of him. To calm him down, Kenny gently rubbed his cheek, making him forget the crowd around them. As soon as his hand touched Kyle's face, Kyle shivered slightly, and Kenny was pretty sure he had yelped in fear.

"You OK?" Kenny whispered softly.  
"No..."  
"I'm sorry about that... I-It's just-"  
"Let's just go home." Kyle said sternly.  
"S-Sure."

Kenny and Kyle left behind a hallway of surprised classmates, finally arriving at Kenny's house after a long and painfully slow walk. Kyle had been silent the whole way, making Kenny think he was angry. When they got to Kenny's room, Kyle closed the door behind them, slowly turning to Kenny.

"...Why did you do that?"  
"I-I'm sorry, Kyle. He's just... the way he... I-It reminded me of... And I lost my cool. I'm sorry."

Kyle remained silent for a long time, prompting Kenny to continue apologizing.

"I'm really sorry, Kyle."

Kyle turned on Kenny's computer, giving him the chance to continue apologizing.

"I-I'll do anything to make it up to you, promise!"  
"...Anything?"  
"Y-Yeah."  
"...Well, you ruined the dance, so..." Kyle said while picking a song. "It's only fair you make it up to me."  
"O-Of course!"

Kenny didn't need any convincing. Gently, he placed his hands on Kyle, like he had been shown a hundred times before, dancing to the rhythm of the song. After a couple minutes, Kyle rested his head against Kenny's chest, and Kenny rested his head against Kyle's, whispering to him.

"I love you, Kyle Broflovski."

* * *

Like it says in my profile, there are no "life lessons" in any of my stories. There's no "deeper meaning" to any of it. If you think you see anything like that, you're wrong, period. I write for entertainment (both mine and yours); not to convey a subtle message. What you must understand is that what the characters do, think, and say – none of it is intended to reflect my own opinions on the subjects or what I would have done in their place. If one or more of those things happen to match, it really is just a coincidence. For example, I think many of the things Kenny and Kyle did in this story were stupid beyond measure, while others were intelligent and the best choice they could have made. I'm not trying to write about my PoV; I'm trying to write an entertaining story.  
Also, yes, I realize the title is kinda cheesy, but I thought it suited the chapter and the way Kenny was acting.  
Well, that's it for this story. I've been taking a break from everything, which is why these uploads have been so slow. I still have a few things to do, so don't expect any new chapters until two weeks from now, at least.


End file.
